So i know I have made my mistakes and got things wrong, I bacame the Nice Guy in different ways and lost who I wanted to be. I am going to get a few things off my chest so feel free to ignore...
My R with W started out long distance, I made the more trips to visit due to having more vacation days. Everytime as the days got close to being together again, lots of talk on the phone about how we were looking forward to hitting the bed as soon as I got there. However, everytime i did get there, I got 'no, not yet, I have to get to know you again' This happened even on the day I asked her parents about marrying her. During the years, this bacame a regualar statement, any disagreement I would be met with this line and I would then feel like I had to prove myself all over again....
When her grandmother was diagnosed with cancer again and was in the last months, we drove the 4 hours (one way) to there every weekend. I carried her grandmother from her bed to the living room chair so she could be with the family. The weekend my grandmother was dying, I didn't travel home. My W went out with friends and came in drunk at 3 in the morning. I got the phone call I was waiting for (but didnt' want) at 8am.... W went and threw up in the bathroom then went back to bed. She told me last year that I should have gone home to the people that could support me....
Our wedding day, I went to ask my new W for a dance. She was talking with friends and told me to 'go away'....
Honeymoon in Paris, I was also there for an immigration interview and didn't get the information I was hoping for (the process was going to be even longer) I wasn't in the mood for talking, W used her fists on my back for 20 mins....
Made another move across the Atlantic back to Europe as a family, W told many people that this is now time for me to pursue my dreams, how she is here for me.... We decide to build a house with me doing alot of the inside work. Had to learn new skills as many things I hadn't done before. Not even in the house 6 months before she told me she was attracted to this work colleague (ugly ******. Best way I can describe him is he looks like a bulldog chewing on a wasp that is then hit in the face with a shovel). I ask her if she would quit her job for me, answer was no... I ask her to cut him out, 'I tried' is the answer I got. Now she has chosen these friends over her family...
Intimate life has been on her terms, very little room for me to be suggestive. So many times, felt like I was asking permission to do anything. Big difference between W sober and W tipsy/drunk..
When we would go out, felt more like a chaperone than a partner.
I have organised surprise parties for her birthday, even did 2 surprise birthdays on the same day. Even in the midst of building a house, I managed to surprise her. Last year I bought her a piano (a dream of hers for 18 years), 6 weeks later I got a family dinner.... She told me she had thought of organising something for me but I wouldn't have liked it so didn't bother but also wouldn't tell me what she had thought of doing. 4 weeks after that she went to OM and told me the affair was going to start that night...
Everyday, I'm struggling to find the reasons to why I'm trying to save this. The more I look at my M, I see how much was about her and how it wasn't about us...
I'm sure you will 2x4 me Sandi, saying I brought this on myself by not standing up. It's not that I didn't, I brought things up and stated my concerns/feelings. I didn't create consequences though I guess, and maybe she just didn't care enough about me anyways...
I met someone once when I was travelling for work, we got to know each other and I was planning on renting a jetski one day and she said she wanted to come too. Then told me that she had a slight allergy to sea water but wanted to come with me anyway... I know it's not the same as a R though. I'm actually struggling to think when the last time I felt truely worth something to my W, how sad is that?
Like I said I'm not perfect and I have things to work on, I will continue to do so for me and it is definately time for me to breathe and be who I want to be again...
