Chapter 2, She moved out - I win! I think

[bigybiz]

A few developments, comments and realizations since my last post.

First - Good - everything in the house is great. The house is running fairly smooth. The kids's seem happy. Everyone is fed, the house is clean, I'm still killing the house projects, repairs, etc list. My youngest S10 - is doing great. He does not ever mention mom. Or he misses her etc, etc.

Second - Bad- My kids asked me to stop praying for W return to us. I'm not sure why or what. So I just don't pray for W during grace (before meals)

Third - Not sure - W has brought S10 home twice late. Instead of sending messages, or confronting her when they got here. I asked her for a meeting. We met at Starbucks, the next day. I told her about his new routine and how well it seems to be working. The I reiterated that he needs to be home at 9. No drama, no arguing, etc. She agreed. Well the next time - she brought him home late again. This time I did mention that he was late. No apology, excuses, etc from her.

I have no ideas what her motivations are and to be honest who cares. I think I will tell her on Saturday - that I will pick him up at her place at 8:50pm.

Is that reasonable or a good approach? I tried to include her, tried to show why it was important - but she ain't getting it and or is trying to bait me. What do you all think?

Fourth -Bad Still struggling with my addiction. I think about her all the time, I have fictitious conversations, etc , etc. I continue to "Thought Stop", Pray, try and find distractions, etc. Not sure if I'm getting better - I sure hope so

Fifth - Good - Referring to an earlier posts about my motivation for change, etc - sometimes I do it to get a reaction from her. When speaking with my Pastor - he mentioned that if she and I had issues about "control" that maybe doing task, behaviors, etc in hope of getting a response from her could be seen as controlling too. Wow. That was a punch in the teeth. Another great reason for ensuring changes are for me, family and not for her.

Sixth - Good - When meeting with W. She told me she is heart broken not being with her kid's. The fact she only see's them two evening and on Saturday. I did a good job at listening, I tried to validate. In the past I would have pursued and/or said well this what you want so too bad.

Seventh - Soon to be good. I realized that humility is something I need to work on. So I've been talking less, not "trying to help", I'm going to try and have a "lower" profile/not bring attention to myself. So I'm not posting on facebook, etc.

Eighth - Great. Still kicking A on the GAL. Very happy with so many things I'm doing, etc.

Ninth -Help - I'm dark with the W. No messages at all going back and forth. I try to be cool and quiet when I see her. I don't ask her about herself. I do need to instigate the conversations about the house, kids, etc. Let's see what happens next.

I think everyone is up to date.

I have a full day planned for Father's day. I'm making my kids enjoy the entire day with me doing everything - meals, bike riding, Church, movies, etc.