I am going to break every DB rule in the books

[Accuray]

Hi Gabs,

Thanks for clarifying and responding. I understand what you're saying, and also what you're saying about feeling you're owed something. We probably all feel or felt that way.

You had a 30+ year relationship. If nothing else, that's a huge success. You know your relationship and your W better than anyone.

You are absolutely right that there can never be a "one size fits all" prescription for every situation. No question. Sometimes begging does work, although in my experience it will buy you a temporary "stay of execution" versus leading to a real reconciliation, because things will tend to resume their prior equilibrium rather than finding a new one. How long that stay of execution lasts can vary.

I think what we see on these boards is that "left behind spouse" follows a very very predictable thought and response process. The response seems to be incredibly consistent despite the varying circumstances in all of our lives. The "walk away wife" also follows a very predictable pattern.

The circumstances leading up to the walk-away are as varied as snowflakes, no two situations are the same. Once the "point of crisis" is reached, however, the reactions of the two parties seems to line up time and time again.

If you get to the point of reconciliation, once again the paths will diverge widely -- everyone's road is different.

I truly hope that your letter finds its mark with your wife. If it doesn't, I hope you find the peace you are looking for in knowing that you did everything you could.

I would argue that following DB advice is the hardest path you can take, so you should already feel good about what you've done in terms of suppressing your pursuit urges -- that's very, very difficult and takes a lot of discipline. Making that commitment comes from a place of love.

I would not get into arguing about dating sites or other side issues on this board, every one is in a very different place on that issue. Focus on the most important issues for you and don't feel the need to defend yourself on any challenge anyone raises -- everyone is coming from a place of trying to help you. If they are challenging you they are trying to make you think.

Acc