in a way, yes they have. I think for all LBS, you should know that if your H or W comes back, things will not just settle into the way they were before. This person has now hurt you, and so while you two can learn to love and trust again, it will not be the same. It is always 2 people in a M, and yes you both hurt each other, but your spouse is the one that either had an A or walked out on you. I think it is only natural to protect your own heart. If you cannot, then perhaps you could value yourself more. So for me, I am not going to turn the table in the sense that I want revenge or to do the same, but my confidence and detachment has probably worked to draw him in closer. Pursuer-distancer dynamic or what have you.
--- (((SH)))
--- Sotto,
You bring up some very good points. Right now I think we are together for the sake of the children, the family unit, and the financial benefit. If things remained this way, I am not sure how long the M would survive. We both want much more than friendship. However, things have been so up/down, emotional, and dramatic in the last couple years, that I feel like we need to reset. Going to MC every week, forcing dates, and talking about the same issues, was keeping us in a vicious and painful loop of hope and then heartache.
I was holding on to so much hurt and anger, and when those triggers got to me, I would lose control. When we left MC I could feel drained and bitter (from all that came up) and it was hard to carry on with the week. Then I would feel this sadness that he wasn't pursing me more and "trying harder." He wasn't able to because he could feel my walls up and unknowingly I kept him at arms length.
So now we are learning to function without any of the drama and emotions. I think over time the attraction and closeness can happen naturally. We still have moments. Yesterday we started laughing about an inside joke and towel snapping each other in the kitchen and there is without a doubt still so much love and attraction.
-Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
