The Unpleasantness

[qt4x11]

Well my wife called me today, which is a breakthrough of sorts even though it was just about the kids. It indicates a level or trust and comfort, especially since we agreed only to talk through text message at this time. I’m happy about that. I’ve been doing a really good job being relaxed, friendly, respectful and consistent around her. I make small talk and crack jokes when I can. I think my DB efforts are paying off. I have a garage door opener again at the house, and my wife is calling me and I’m getting a lot of face to face interaction as well. So that’s good.

It’s been a pretty busy few days. I’m back at work, things are pretty busy there, I’m trying to focus so that all this crap that’s going on doesn’t affect me in my work at the very least. That’s the last thing I need, so far work has been pretty understanding. I have kids most of this week, so a lot of juggling of schedules. They have therapy, occupational therapy, school and summer camp, swimming - and my son has baseball practice and a game tomorrow morning. A lot of logistics talk with my wife, a lot of texts and face to face meetings. Next week they go off to visit my in laws out of state again, I’m sort of dreading that as last time my wife went to visit in laws she came back and cancelled all plans of attending MC with me and filed for D. I’m sure they wind her up and I’ve been painted as the ultimate villain in this situation. Nothing I can do but be a good guy right now and focus on my kids and working on myself.

I’ve been working on detaching, I think that’s helped me. I think it’s paying off in terms of my relationship w my wife. It hasn’t been easy. One thing I’ve learned is that - if I want to cultivate a PMA, it takes a consistent effort. I have to constantly monitor my thoughts, and focus on other things to keep me occupied when I get bogged down in fearful thoughts about the future. That’s pretty hard to do at this time when I’m dealing with so many problems and negativity. One thing thats helped is - not surfing around on reddit and youtube for ‘divorce advice’ anymore - that just gets me down. I also try to limit my surfing of this board, I can get caught up in this board and despite how much I care about the people on this board, if I spend too much time on here, it tends to get me down as well.

We have kids birthday parties and baseball games set for this weekend, I’m going to try to be there for my kids and enjoy myself as much as I can. It’s getting easier for me. I find every day that I have less and less periods of depression, and I can see how in time it will be ok, no matter what happens. I think soon I will be able to detach completely and let go of all expectations. This will probably help me even more in my DB efforts. Right now, at least part of my attitude is an act. But I think I’m doing a pretty good job so far.