I am going to break every DB rule in the books

[MoveFrwd]

I have a few comments on a few different posts. So this may be broken up into a few posts of mine.

Im sorry to hear that there has been no improvement in your sitch.

I have not pursued her.

I've done everything the book says, except I guess you could say I haven't really let go.

I'd caution you with this. Sometimes, until you let go of the rope, you are pursuing in ways you didnt even know or realize. You havent detailed every single interaction with your W, so theres no way to know or point to examples. But in some cases, I would say or do things expecting a reaction I didnt even realize I was expecting. For example, your bday card and gifts. I notice you were vague about "pictures you thought she would want". Im guessing there were some of you together. While it's just clearing out your house, I imagine she may have seen that as pursuit.

I am on several dating websites and I have met some beautiful women who are admittedly more compatible with me, I still can't stop thinking about my wife.

I have discovered what unconditional love is.

Im having a really hard time balancing these two thoughts. Why, exactly, are you on dating websites? If you still want to get back to being with your wife, what is the benefit of going out on dates.

I challenge you to review DR again. What are your goals. Does going out on dates with other women get you closer to them? I also challenge you to consider the perspective from the new women's point of view. Do you feel it is fair to be going out on romantic evenings when you are still hoping for a renewed relationship with your W? It sounds like you are hoping that someone new will convince you it's OK to let go and move on. I believe that that decision needs to come from within. Why start a new relationship until you are emotionally disconnected from the old one?

I have come a long way. I used to not be able to get out of bed in the morning. I had thoughts of hurting myself. I was barely functional. Now, sometimes I get waves of feeling great.

At this point I don't know that I have anything to lose, because this DB thing is not working.

If this is actually true, then I believe that DB IS working.

Is that was DB is really saying I should do? Just hold the door open?

No. DB is saying to go into a different room. Thats her door and she can walk through it whether you are holding it open or holding it closed. Leave her to make her own decisions.

one of the key missing components was that I DIDN'T EXPRESS MY LOVE for her.

You are doing the thing she asked of you. I dont see any action that could express your love more to her than that.

How do you feel going on dates expresses your love for her?

I feel like all this "laying low" and "minimal contact" and "act as if" and holding the door open, has CONFIRMED her feeling that I don't really love her.

This mostly sounds like your fear talking. It sounds like you still think that there is something you can do to fix this. I elieve that doing exactly what she asked you to do is the strongest and most compassionate thing that you can do.

I will tell you first hand that doing all of the pursuit and notes and proclamations of my love did nothing to help my sitch. Im sure just about every single other person here can tell you the same. Maybe you have good words. Maybe you even have the BEST words.

But after a year of doing the DB thing, I realize that at some point I have to come up to the plate and take my at-bat and swing for the fence. If I don't ever do that, I don't think I will be able to live with myself.

OK. My turn for a baseball analogy. You think that youre in a position of being down 3 with the bases loaded, two outs, in the bottom of the ninth. That one swing of the bat will win the game for you.

I'd say your down 7 with two outs and nobody on in the bottom of the ninth. You could hit a home run, but it wont really matter. You need to start by getting baserunners. String together hits.