I am going to break every DB rule in the books

[RDS]

now that is a very different question. and it has not been discussed here at all in my case. I can tell you I DO feel like she owes me something. her departure was abrupt. we were going to counseling but she had not mentioned thinking about leaving in 2 years. I have talked to many people, and I know this is not always the case, but many people had clear warnings. Like going to the counselor and saying "I'm going to leave you if you don't do ____." My wife said nothing like that. In fact she told me just a few weeks before she left that she was VERY happy. She grabbed me by the shoulders and looked me in the eye like she had never done in 30 years and told me she loved me very deeply and she was so happy that we were together and she knew it would work out. Then 5 weeks later she dropped the bomb. So yes I do think she owes me something. I don't think that was honorable. She should have been clear and let me know she was thinking about it.

I have a friend who is on the verge of splitting up with her husband. She has been telling him for MONTHS now, that she is going to do it. She has been very clear about why she wants to go and what he needs to do to get her to stay. she told him she has gone to see a lawyer. I got NONE of that. So if you ask me if she owes me anything, the answer is yes. After 30 years, I could have been giving a clear warning, even just one simple statement like "I'm thinking about leaving."

Gabs, I've been reading this posts and a lot, if not most, of your concerns resonate with me; especially what I quoted. I'm about a year behind you and in the initial stages of DB. My biggest concern is I think my W left me because I didn't express my love to her at all and going dark just reaffirms her decision to leave me.