Again thank you all for the thoughtful responses. People are asking about my GAL and I want to respond.
there are some things I do. I am in a band and we practice every week and we have some gigs. It is like therapy to me. I go out to see music every once in a while with my friends. Have I taken up something completely new that takes up lots of time? No. but I really don't have lots of time. Keeping up with the housework, being the only adult here, is practically a full time job in itself, and I have two other jobs.
In regards to dating, how it relates to GAL, and the question of being my own source of happiness....
A few people have said that going on dating sites "doesn't count" as GAL. Or that finding someone else won't make me happy, only I can make myself happy. I have a problem with that. I have heard it a lot on this site and others. but it simply is not true. I know more than one person who found happiness when they found another partner. what's wrong with that? it does happen. Really it does. in my case, I feel better when I talk with or date other women. it reminds me that i'm not such a horrible person. women are interested in me! some of them are beautiful! some of them have more things in common with me that my wife! It brings me out of my sadness sometimes, to talk with an interesting woman and see she is interested in me.
I can feel great about myself. I know I'm a good person. I can go for a 10 mile run and feel wonderful and feel a wave of awesomeness that I can't describe. Is that being my own source of happiness? i don't know. But I do know that it doesn't change the fact that I want my wife and my family back. And even though I do feel that happiness sometimes, I always come back to sadness at some point again because the people I love the most are not with me.
Feeling happy and feeling great about myself does not make me want to let go. The times that I get close to really "letting go" are the times when I realize that there are other women out there, and I just might end up with someone I really "groove" with. Maybe even more than my wife.
I don't think it's a bad thing to get happiness from another person. I don't think that only I can make myself happy. Relationships are a source of happiness for billions of people on this planet. And for many of them, it lasts a lifetime. If a woman walked into my life right now that had all the things on my list that I want in a woman, that would make me happy. That is not a bad thing. I would probably let go of my wife at that point. I am open to that happening. I invite it.
There are many people who are sad when their spouse leaves, and become happy again when they find someone else. This is not unusual or a bad thing. I have seen it.
I understand that this is a good time for me to work on myself and to find some happiness on my own. I'm doing that. For me, with the little free time I have, I'd rather go for a cup of coffee or a hike with a new interesting woman, than take up a new hobby like contra dancing. I think it counts as GAL when I meet new women.
