WAW,still angry, am I indifferent or detached now?

[SH_]

Journaling.....

Detachment.
It is key for all LBS.
It is the most challenging aspect of the process.
Why?
Because of the emotional attachment that so many have while in a relationship.
Many experts in marriage advise of the benefits of healthy relationships maintaining a healthy detachment because it creates a more balance and meaningful relationship.
Many confuse detachment with meaning that a lack of love or care is needed.

I was very emotionally attached in my MR.
4 months ago BD. 2 months ago WAW stormed out and has not lived with me.
I was so emotionally depressed and anxious that I was provided a suicide hotline number by my IC and MD in spite of me saying I was not considering harm to myself.

Yesterday, my IC tells me that my psych eval scores in a range that he does not feel that further counseling is needed for me.

I feel so detached from WAW that I fear I may not feel anything for her. I say I love her.
But what does that mean?
Do I love the memory of her?
Do I love the idea of raising my d5 with her.

I am not sure, as I am not feeling anything for her but dare I say pity?

I do feel some contempt for her as her interactions with d17 do anger me.
2 weeks ago she turned her anger on d17 after an afternoon together at her place.
WAW brother was there with his d. When he left, d17's mother started yelling at her about being rude and making WAW family feel uncomfortable. D17 did not understand the accusation. She was polite when her uncle addressed her, but she was busy with putting things together for a youth girls camp the following week.
Long story short it got heated to the point d17 left her mothers place. We were having a heat wave of over 110 degrees so d17 returned after 10 minutes to retrieve her things and go wait at the library until I could pick her up.
Her mother cornered her and argued further until d17 laid some boundaries.
This shook d17 all weekend. She has struggled with anxiety the past 2 weeks with panic attacks almost daily.

There are other things with d5 that I am seeing that also has me frustrated, but I will not go into details now.

I am continuing to research ways to be a good parent in these circumstances, but am sad that mature adult co parenting does not seem to be an option until she can pull her head out and grow up.

And that is all I have to say about that......