I am going to break every DB rule in the books

[liono]

Look, I don't know you or what you've been through, but I guarantee you: anything that comes from me or anyone else here that sounds like an attack is, worst case, tough love.

Pretty sure I can safely say we've all been there in one way or another, that person in the corner late at night crying a blubbering mess with snot pouring out your nose wondering how you're going to glue together the broken pieces of your life.

Just want to reflect a couple things back to you I'm reading in your initial post.

First, go to youtube and search for "You Had Me at Hello - Jerry Maguire". Pretty much what you have in mind? I mean it's romantic as hell, and you're right it may work. Or back to the baseball analogy, it's like your coach is telling you to bunt and you're like "but we're never going to win the game that way, I've got to swing for the fences!". Who knows, maybe you're right? But... it's a movie. You seem to be a baseball guy, surely you must know that the "let's throw in the rookie at the last minute to win the pennant" works great as a movie plot. But in real life you get your best guys out there and redouble on discipline right?

On the other hand, in hockey the pull the goalie and play with an empty net. Ok fine, sports analogies suck.


You didn't really say much about what's happened in the last year. The things you mentioned you working on yourself (dealing with anger issues, getting healthier) are no doubt wonderful. But you didn't mention anything at all about actually doing things that make you happier and GAL. Dating websites doesn't count. Have you done any hobbies, done any travel, anything like that?

Also, re: nothing has changed. Know what else hasn't changed? She hasn't filed for D yet. Not saying it's "a sign" but just question yourself: if she was 100% sure that's what she was going to do with absolute conviction about it, why hasn't she?

Other thing: I'm only a couple months since BD, I'm early on here. But that feeling you describe, that voice in your head that says "If only she knew how much she means to me, if I could just explain with the right words, then she would understand..." is right in my head right now all the time. But I tried it. I kept at it the first few weeks, and I guarantee you it just pushes away. Your situation is different, but just realize that feeling in your head is the same as someone right in the thick of dealing with all of this for the first time...

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.....oh my god, I just went back and read your original thread. It is so freakin' chock full of wisdom. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I'M BEGGING YOU GO BACK AND FOLLOW ALL THE ADVICE. (see? did begging you want to make you go do it? didn't, did it? )
Seriously though:
* There is still hope

Baseball analogy #2: you're learning to pitch and you stand and hold the ball the way it feels comfortable. And your coach is just looking at you going "this is wrong this is wrong this is wrong, hold it like this. Stand like this. Move your arm like this". And you try it and it just feels soooooo awkward. You're thinking "this can't be right". You're now throwing slower and with worse accuracy than before. But your coach is telling you it's the right way, and practicing the proper technique will open up WAY more potential than you ever had before.

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Questions for you:
* What have you done to GAL? And I mean seriously GAL? Dating profiles do not count. Moving on to another woman will NOT make you happy. YOU are the only one that can make you happy.
* Have you seen an IC/psyc to talk about possible depression issues? I'm not saying you do or don't. Just some of the things you said in your original thread seem to point that way. Take it from someone who deals with some bad anxiety/depression... (part of my whole sitch). Actually getting REAL help for that, which may or may not include meds, might help. For me it has helped immensely. If nothing else, ruling out complicating issues like that just within yourself would be good.