Hello All, Just journaling- Had a weird surge of anger this morning. When I'm angry, I cry. So I had a hard time keeping it together this morning. Nothing happened to trigger this.. I just woke up feeling so mad at h for being such a royal as*hat!
He completely redirected the course of my life by choosing that marriage was not for him. My life is on a completely different trajectory because of him. Sparkly positive feyth SHOULD say, "thank you H for this gift to rediscover who I am and for teaching me that I am capable of so much more than I think, and that I do not have to be a victim of my circumstances." On the other hand, scorned Feyth wants him to wake up and realize what a jewel he's lost. I did so much for that man and I was so blinded by love that I couldn't see how controlling and manipulative he was/is. At the end of day, things weren't great in our relationship... Of course I can see this now.
I have no idea where he is in journey as we don't speak. I'm starting to get the urge to file myself, but know it will bring on struggles and pain that I don't necessarily want because I'm actually very content with where I'm at personally. Things are really good. I'm always surprised when people tell me that they see so many positives in me. My boss recently told me that whenever she sees me, I Have a big smile on my face and it's brighter than ever. It makes me feel good, because I'm feeling like myself again. I remember this girl! I like her!
Well, that's it for now. I started marathon training yesterday for a full marathon in October. It will be one month after my tri so I think I'll be in optimal shape for this. I just want to see how far i can go!!!! Both literally and metaphorically
Enjoy your day!
Me- 30's H- 40's T-10 M-5 I moved out b/c he wanted space- June 15 D filed by H: September 16
