Thank you, thank you, all for the great advice and comments.
Job, My ex is an A-hole. I want to smack the crap out of him most times. There is no talking to him about how his behavior hurts others. I tried in our M, I basically got "I am who I am, I am never going to change" I gave up and shut down in our M when going through IVF and pregnancy, because I couldn't take it anymore, my attention needed to be on me and the baby. And I still tried to get him to love me and treat me right, just not as hard. I seriously feel such guilt for having HIS baby, knowing how he treats people.
I have addressed his behavior around our D and he thinks there is nothing wrong. Our D refuses to address him about the way she feels, I understand, she is scared he will get mad. He speaks to him mom extremely disrespectfully, and I am sure his wife. Him and his sister timeshare his mom now and my D is just so happy when she is there. Yeah, she is schizophrenic (literally) but she is sweet and gentle. she actually said "I have no idea how daddy came out grandma, grandma is so sweet and he can be a monster". It's sad, and I am helpless against it.
Sotto, he completely lacks the empathy chip. It's almost scary. And I feel sad for him he doesn't have those capabilities.
I cannot change anyone. I absolutely cannot. I don't want to change the core of their being, but I know I cannot change their behaviors. In the beginning, the nice things that are being said override my gut. Then my gut becomes much more powerful and I need to honor it much faster.
