Hi Coconut, I didn't do the things I needed to also. I didn't get out and do my own thing, when I was building the house she had said that she felt like a single parent as I did a lot of the work myself. I think I swung to far the other way and was always around, put all my focus into the family and did nothing for me. I was also suffering from complete burn out, even collapsed one night and spent the night in the hospital. I think partly i became inconsistent, could do wonderful things for her one day but was losing control and patient others. When she started having contact again, although she never really stopped, I was pushing and driving to hard. I had looked for ways to help me recover but was losing control of my own emotions too often. Like I said, I was burnt and exhausted but I still wasn't helping the situation. I was too sharp and to defensive, well we both were to be honest. I think we were both burnt out to be honest. I was finding messages from her to friends telling them I was depressed which was making me angry and resentful.
I do feel this OM became an emotional crutch, I'm not even sure he is much in the picture other than at work together at the moment. I could be wrong of course but W hasn't done a lot of the things common in a number of the situations. When she was still at home, I did get on her phone a couple of times and there were no messages, phone calls, his number wasn't in her contact list. I don't know if she got a 2nd phone or used email. I do know she went to his place a couple of times though.
There was a lot of tension in our house and I needed out of it to focus on me, see some of the things I was doing wrong. Like I said, by not doing anything for myself, we were in each other's space way too much and were not bringing new things to talk about. That's were I understand why they say GAL is so important, there was no mystery to me.
W has said she broke, gave up, quit on us but didn't believe she was the one that needs any fixing. I don't think she got him out of her head or the lifestyle her new friends have. (They are all single with no kids). Since we were having a rough time and arguing too much, I do think it was probably only a matter of time till we both broke. That's were I believe we are now, both broken and trying to find ourselves again. Whether those paths meet again, I don't know. I can only work on my own and rebuild myself.
