So had a good night last night with W, and a really nice morning. But I'm here because my W posted a pic of her and our S on Instagram this morning, I went on to see the pic and comment on it. I saw OM liked the pic, and my blood boiled, I feel Like he invaded my life by liking a picture with my son and for the first time I really want to confront him in a not so nice way. Anyway, my W told me she unfriended this guy on Instagram and I looked in her following list and saw him on the list.
I'm gonna keep the duct tape on for a little bit, but I don't know if I can hold it in for long..
Oh brother, I can so relate to you. You get triggered, the emotions spike, you try to keep the duct tape on, but like a kettle, as the temp rises, the lid will blow! then you feel terrible, back peddle, and your initial feelings are overshadowed by your bad behavior. Soooo, those initial feelings are not properly being dealt with.
So here are my initial thoughts. This STFU duct tape is not too silence you and it is definitely not there so you can bury your emotions. That is dangerous territory. Maybe think of it as a way to buy yourself time--time to honor your feelings, time to think, and time to formulate the response that best represents C-nut. I am just suggesting you reframe the way you think about it.
Honestly, I would and did feel the same way as you did, especially when it comes to social media, crossing paths with OW, and the general lack of boundaries my H has had with women in general. And while some people here may think I am controlling, I would ax that behavior off in a heart beat. And I still do. And you know what? H is changing. Not because I am telling him to, but because he sees I am not attracted to him when he is inconsiderate of me, and he want this M to work.
What I have changed is my approach. Acting on emotions is never a good idea--you are putting yourself out there and everyone can see your vulnerabilities. So don't think of the duct tape as a way to stuff your emotions, silence yourself, or show HER your changes. The duct tape is the time YOU deserve so that you can show the world your best self as you heal from this painful mess that SHE created.
And it will get easier with time. It will. No one could have told me that one year ago or even 6 months ago. I am going on 14 months, and I can tell you, I am in a completely diff place now. I am detached. It just takes time, working on yourself, however if you don't like what your W is doing, then by all means, listen to yourself. If in time she is still behaving in a way that you don't like, then you can reevaluate the M then.
-Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
