New to Site - Just found about another

[coffee_]

Good to hear from you Z!
I really like what you write, I strive to be in your position some day.
Yes I agree that what I did was necessary, yes it P'd her off. Did I care? No, I shrugged it off. She said to me that my actions are "putting the idea in her head" Like I said she is not admitting to the A but right there she did. I told her that my actions couldn't do that, not my fault...and it is called free will. She had no comeback. She is still P'd this morning. Funny that she will only talk to me about things that she is mad about, but not things that she has done to destroy our home. Her head is in the fog. I am learning more and more about her each day, hour, minute. She is protecting herself, at the expense of our home. Amazing to me...sick really.

So yes Zuess this is about me, it will be a tough year with ups and downs. My future is uncertain, but you have helped me to realize it always has been.
I am making a list, small achievable goals. Preparing for the D. But also giving less thought about her and more thought about me. I will miss what I had, regret staying so long. But I will let this experience teach me things that I never knew about myself.

My L is awesome, expensive and a pitbull. I feel I found a good one.
I thing I am at the acceptance stage right now, moving back and forth from this stage. I really am working at accepting what is happening in my life. I think it will also help me move on. Other stages prior where just keeping me stuck, although I move backwards into the why stage, and for some stupid reason still hitting the denial button. But up until I actually saw her with him I really couldn't move on.
The D will take quite a bit of my time but I am back to GAL, trying to spend time with my friends without discussing my M problems.
Working on being the best father I can to my S13, we have a good relationship but I know I can do better. Looking for other ways to 180 but that takes some serious looking in the mirror.
I have a good support system, funny how many people I know went through this, I guess those facts where known, but you really don't understand until you go through personally.
I do have compassion for my STBXW, I feel her life will be more of the same WO me, but maybe not, maybe I held her back also for 21yrs. Everything happens for a reason, even 21yrs of M...It is His plan, placing my faith that He will make this wrong a right.
Zuess, thanks again for checking in, your words mean a lot to me, I thought maybe you bailed.
Happy Thursday all.