My little slice of Life..

[sandi2]

She advises me to tell her this in a confident tone, I don't want to be you friend , your buddy or roommate, I want to be your lover and your husband! And as she says give her s kiss of a lifetime... Then walk out and leave...... This goes against db /dt to the core...but this is very out of my character so who knows..

This is what the guy in a romance novel would do! However, it is not the right move with a wayward wife. The more she thinks you have no interest in her.....or that you don't want to be around her.....or that you are not attracted to her.....the better.

You see, with a WW, you do the opposite of what you'd do with a normal woman. You do the opposite of showing great care and concern over her drama, her sad friend, her woes at work, etc. When she dresses smoking hot to go out with a "friend" or whatever excuse she gives.........you don't drool over her and tell her how great she looks, b/c she's going out to play. Don't be so quick to show comfort, b/c it's all about her feelings. (The only exception is if she looses a family member). No cuddling, no hugs, no kisses, etc.

I would not recommend that the H rush out to file for a D. It is a very risky gamble hoping it will shock her out of the fog. I recommend he stops trying to win her back. He drops the rope. IMHO, that works better than anything else when you have a WW. When a H really does drop her, she can tell.....and oh brother, will she start trying to wiggle back into his life. She'll temp check him like crazy; she'll get mad; and most of all try to manipulate him. She wants control over his life.....even if she doesn't want him as her lover. Crazy!

Don't try to find out what will shock her out of the fog. I don't think they are "shocked" to the point of making a complete 180. It is a process. But if the H will stop being a nice-guy type of man and emotionally let go, that will be one of the biggest shocks he could do. She is not worried about losing him, and she needs to be. It's one thing for her to dump him.....but if she gets dumped, that's another story!

When she sees her H is not interested in holding on to her;
When she sees her H happy without her;
When she believes she is losing her H;
When she can't manipulate her H;
When she experiences the consequences of her decisions;
When her fantasies crumble;
Then, her H may start to see more of his old W in this wayward woman. He needs to be very careful about letting her come back too quickly. She should feel remorse for her actions and the great pain she has caused. Remorse does not come very quickly for most, and the process takes time. However, if the H can do what has been suggested, it can hurry the process along.