Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 2

[PsySara]

I have read the 5 Love Languages but not the other two. I will look into those. Thank you for the suggestion, JksD.

WH came to me this morning and asked how IC sessoin went yesterday. (I was getting ready for work) I am not sure I should have been honest but I was. I told him my IC was concerned that WH still could not give an assurance of fidelity. (he said if OW approaches him he would consider starting their relationship again and would let me know instead of sneaking behind my back) I wasn't sure how to react to that since frankly there isn't anything I can do to stop him from acting on his desires. My IC said this is almost abusive because WH knows how much this hurts me but appears to have no insight into his own responsibility as a husband to not cheat. WH became defensive when I said this and again went over all the reasons he cheated. (ie., he didn't feel loved, he felt physically starved for affection) I tried to listen and validate but I fumbled a lot. I told him I also felt unloved and unappreciated in our marriage but did not think to go outside our marriage. I told him I felt utterly disrespected and objectified, even said I felt simply like a hole for a penis to him. He got angry and said I was being disrespectful. I backed off but told him these were my feelings. I felt like if I couldn't make him "happy" all the time then what would stop him from simply cheating again? I told him he needs to consider talking to someone about why he seeks to fulfill his "emptiness" through other people. WH says he doesn't think he needs a counselor and that he would simply not talk if he went to one.

I was crying and feeling very stupid for even opening up to him because he is not capable of being empathetic of even listening to me. He simply becomes defensive and attacks his perceived "shortcomings" he sees in me as a wife. He still will not truly take responsibility for his cheating and justifies it in his mind. I went to work really upset.