What Should I be doing (5)

[Coconut]

Coconut,

Your wife should take a picture of you with a baseball bat and post it on Instagram.

Maybe I'll see if I can get ahold of a maniqueen and tag it in the picture as him :), that'll do just fine... I just don't get what's going through his mind, my W hasn't spoken to him in a month (I do believe her) and his W was forwarded the text messages of the affair 2 weeks ago, why in the hell would he be liking pics of her (I gotta say though, my W is way hotter than his :)).

Anyway, I'm pretty happy right now, my W seems committed to piecing and just wants to move forward. We did have to cancel the MC tomorrow due to work schedule conflict, but we will reschedule ASAP. Our time together has been good, and she seems to be Persuing me more than I am her (which is a nice change) and I've been laying down the law in my household (which is tough with a 16 yr old with his first girlfriend), but it's been good to be in charge.

Sandi2, where have you been? I know that you've probably moved on to the next guy in crises, but I'd love for you to just say hi.. I don't know how to thank you enough for all you've done, but I'd really like to say from the bottom of my heart "Thank You"... God put you through the test he did to make sure you were prepared to help all of us. And I can't praise him enough to thank him for giving you to help us.

[sandi2]

. I've been hovering and watching closely. I haven't left ya.

[Wonka]

. I've been hovering and watching closely. I haven't left ya.

Ditto for me as well. No worries.

[cbtdad]

Cnut!
Good job on recognizing what you can't control.
It is definitely upsetting and I get that, but you can't get mad at W for something she didn't do. But you understood that moved forward
Great progress my friend!

[Coconut]

Ok, so my stay off site isn't working out, but whatever

Went out to open mic night last night, she stayed home and studied. Got home around 1100pm, had a bit of an argument about me seeing social media as a way to keep in touch with friends and family, and allowing them a window to see into our families going on, and stressed that I am not ok with OM having any access to those windows. She doesn't see it that way, but I couldn't really get her to explain how she views it, but she blocked him on Instagram.

ML this morning, it was much better than last time, and really felt "right"... Not much else going on, I'm doing well with my GAL, and cutting back snooping.

[Coconut]

What do you think? When you get to piecing, is it a bad idea to go back and read entire sitch? I want to, but not sure that I should relieve it all while still so fresh, but I want to. I've stopped myself several times.

[Stormchaser]

Love this thread, Cnut. I'm also piecing and I have those damn anxiety spikes, which are caused by triggers, which I have a hard time dealing with. W and I got into a pretty bad row last night about it.

I'm one of the lucky ones in that once busted, my W felt instant remorse. I kicked her out of the house and 2 weeks later she came back (unfortunately I did the begging), the first month was a true nightmare, but we've been steadily improving. The setbacks are the worst, though, and it makes us wonder if we can even reconcile sometimes.

These last 3 weeks have seen her literally worship the ground I walk on due to my intense GAL, working out and losing 20 lbs and gaining muscle, and my attitude adjustment. She's even hinted at being worried about ME having an affair now since I'm so improved.

Those damn triggers, tho. Ugh.

[Coconut]

Hi storm, I also keep up on your and Lims threads, it helps to see other peoples struggles and realize I'm not alone.. I think my thread definitely emphasizes the roller coaster ride, both because everything has happened so fast, but also because I suck at keeping even keel and have wild swings..

Those triggers suck, I luckily haven't had any personal knowledge of A except for 2 days texting that I saw, and also because the A only lasted a few weeks before I found out, confronted her and she ended it. My biggest fear is that she got off too easy and will start again, but for right now I believe she's committed to us. I just wish I could see the future and know if she would, because that would be it for me and frankly, I'd rather start fresh now rather than later if that's the case... Urge, I do want to be with her, but I also don't want to live a life analyzing her every move.

[Stormchaser]

We had a pretty rough argument Tue night - which sucked, because we had probably one of the best ML sessions the night before. Its me and my stupid anxiety, worries that she still works with OM and maybe the A went underground.

My W is remorseful and wants to reconcile badly, but cannot continue to take the occasional [censored] sandwich I feed her. The jabs and sarcasm, although well deserved, are wearing on her psyche and she's worried that if it continues, she will not even bother trying to stay with me. She cannot envision a future of feeling great for few weeks, only to have me come out of nowhere with a comment or worry or freak out. She has a hard time understanding there will be ups and downs.

Quite frankly, the marriage has never been better. We communicate like never before, ILY constantly, and the texting of naughty pics is insane. Its like I've become the OM to her, lol, where she's obsessed with ME now.

Yes, she lied to me. Yes, she had an affair. And Yes, I truly want to move on and recover from this. But each setback scares her. She doesn't want a lifetime of it.

[Si_07]

Stormchaser, just reading your post here and it brings me back to last year for me. My W told me near the beginning of last year that she nearly had an affair but chose me. Now we never did any work together or individually to find the reasons why. We tried to do it alone but I did none of the DBing and we got into arguments when she started building contact with the work colleague again. It started again within 4 months of original admission of attraction. I also think he pursued her and she would not cut it out. The triggers were intense for me and caused more problems between W and me, now she has left saying she is done.

Now I didn't see the remorse that people say, I didn't see an effort on her part to work on herself. I was supposed to trust her completely from the beginning and just let it go. Her contact with him at work was 'not important', and I was being petty.

The reason I write, is when you talk about the setbacks. My W wouldn't grasp the concept of what she had done and the setbacks tore us apart. I know how hard it is and I'm sure you have done a much better job than I did last year. I wish I could give you advice and I wish I had learnt what I have now last year. I can only say to stay strong, try to recover and I hope you can communicate how difficult this is in a way she can understand. I wasn't able to get that across to my W, even when I had her read some things on recovering from an EA.