I haven't identified any exact goals. Baby steps are coming one way or another. I am staying in the camper at my parents' house, trying to be somewhat self sufficient. I have a couple things I need to do, like finish refinancing the house.
Still frustrating dealing with xW. She signed D9 up for an activity, it is 2 days a week, happens to land on my days 3 out of 4 times that she goes. She waited to tell me (through my mom of course) the morning that it started. So, brought my D9 to it of course. xW is irresponsible as usual. I am getting really tired of her thinking she is the parent, I am just some guy that she "allows" some visitation.
The D is done, except child support isn't finalized yet. Her atty finally, after many months, addressed support, and asks for the world, what a surprise!
My kids are pretty cool.. I may be biased? They are happy, creative, want to hang out with me in the camper instead of my parents' house, which is great. Weather isn't so great though. I am very much looking forward to getting back into the house, one month from today... though as soon as the support starts it's going to be really tight fins.
I don't have the weekend with the kids planned out yet, but there are a couple options on the table.
The kids didn't talk about their mom, I didn't ask, I'm not even curious anymore. It feels so great to not be impacted by her anymore. The last few things I have heard, I was upset for a couple of seconds, let it pass, and it was completely gone. Not that long ago it used to be so devastating, I made such a big deal out of the smallest things, this is a serious relief for me! She went and did something fun with them all weekend. I was actually glad. She's not doing it as well as I would, she is digging herself a financial hole trying to entertain the kids, but that is a win-win for me. When she is filing bankruptcy, or can't afford a house because she blew all the money I gave her in the D on "having fun", that will be her problem and only hers. Maybe then she will understand why I was trying to control her spending.
My D9 noticed I had new sunglasses in the camper, and asked why. I told her for boating. She asked why I had 4 pairs, I told her in case someone else came along. D9 said "you mean like FF#1" and said her name. They haven't met FF#1 yet, and I don't plan to have them meet any time soon, but D9 seems completely comfortable with the idea, I thought that was strange. S11 doesn't comment on it much.
My withdrawals from FF#1 let up fairly quickly, and luckily it didn't revert to xW. I still look forward to my next adventure with FF#1 though. And I do wonder if I could potentially have a future with her, a happy healthy person.
I texted FF#3 some last night... sharing our stories about our ex's, she's another one with a manipulative ex. It is amazing how much alike people's stories are, FF#1, 2, and 3, and myself. We all received some version of "you don't love me" or "you don't love me enough," and we all tried to prove otherwise instead of noticing the signs and walking/running away. All our ex's reverted to childish behaviors in the face of confrontation instead of being an adult and just accepting that maybe, just maybe, they contributed to the problems, even just a little bit. All the while we were always immediately apologetic and accepting our part.
I don't think FF#1 or #2 qualify for codependents, at least no where near as bad as myself. FF#3 I don't have a clue, she has some other "needy" issues going on apparently. All 3 had ex's that have some drug issues, so the verdict is still out I guess.
So, what happens when you put 2 codependents together when neither is the abuser? Do the same problems still come up? Or they live happily ever after? Or there's just no attraction because the subconscious "need" isn't being fulfilled? Maybe if I read V's super-post in my thread enough times, the answer is there?
