Honestly, you are so not far into this, wanting these things and having difficulty looking forward is so normal.
8 years I have. 8 years ago my ex cheated on me while I was pregnant (took me until they were engaged to find out), left me when our daughter was a baby, went on to marry this woman.
The only ounce of validation I ever got was "sorry it had ot happen this way" and that was very insincere.
I didn't want him back. I wanted to be SORRY. To admit to mistakes. Show some regret. A little validation of the pure hell he put me through. I got nada. Eventually my need for it just faded away. That's when I really began to look forward.
You will get there, that I can promise you. It's just going to take a little time and work.
