Being there to help v going dark:balance

[Surfer]

I would appreciate any advice - particularly from you Sandi. I have a little “emergency situation”, nothing major but I’m not sure how to handle this as its all early days still.

WAW walked 10 days ago with D8 and S6. She dropped the kids to me for the school run this morning so she could get to work. She didn’t look to be “stressed and not coping” and was dressed nicely and was very polite. She acted in a happy and convivial way rather than being her usual “angry frustrated and lost” (I don’t know whether this ‘down’ behaviour is real or fake BTW - when ‘down’ she will tend to be looking for something to complain about or needle over). Today she was ‘up’/happy. She did so in some recommendations (rather than complaints – in terms of not giving the kids sugary breakfast etc) which were made in a nice way and were fair, so I just acknowledged and validated these. However she then shared something jovial and smiled which is very unusual (basically the kids had mentioned my disaster lasagne). I mirrored back with kind friendly and smiley conversation laughing at my 2 star catering! It was the first time, in a long time, that we shared good humour and company. However, I don’t trust it is real at all – I have been ‘manipulated’ in the past and now I need to open my eyes. Here’s why, after this friendly exchange my wife dropped in “are you around later, I need to talk to you about something?”. “Something has come up at the weekend and I thought you might want the kids”.

It’s early days we have not sorted out custody formally yet. She wants me to have every other weekend and one day a week and I want more than this. However, we need to sort this out still and this will be done in due course – so let’s not get bogged down with that.

In the meantime I have a dilemma. Given her demeanour just now, it is most likely that she is being sweet to me so she can get something that she wants. I don’t mind this so much, but I believe that she is probably wanting to go out with the same “loose morals girlfriends” that covered up her A and were always trying to take away holiday or go out and drink lots whilst dressed up as Police Officers, Pocahontas etc. – they go to different weekender events, bars and generally act like teenagers rather than late 30s, early 40s mothers of two etc . Most of them lie to their husbands also (seen evidence). Don’t get me wrong I’m not against my wife seeing girlfriends to have fun (although I don’t like this set) but not when it comes at the expense of her family, family time and her children – they come first in my book.

If not, this she may have a date??? Who knows.

I’m presuming (I don’t know) that I will be advised that we can’t spend time together as a family on Saturday (at a family event that she won’t want me to go to because it’s uncomfortable yet her family will be more than happy to see me) but I can have the children so that she can go out with her “loosely modelled” girlfriends or on a date say.
How do I handle this? I’m doing the best with the children and they are coping okay. However, I don’t want to end up as a child carer, financial support, plan B, gay friend (no offense) etc, I am her husband, she should be living in our house, sleeping in our bed and being a wife and mother. Her role is not that of a “loosely modelled” WAW.

In short should I have plans and not be available? If I do she will probably just palm the kids off onto her parents. Any advice would be gratefully received.