Being there to help v going dark:balance

[Surfer]

Sandi. Thanks for the note. I spent much of last night reading about your sitch. It feels like such a privilege to start hearing from you. You provide amazing insight.

In terms of me/us. I imagine if you think back to you - she was is pretty much like you. I will give you detailed history when I get some time and you will know more but if you imagine a lot of you, not all through, you won't be far off.

I was historically more dominant. Not oppressively, so I felt, always been fair and laid back book took no BS. Apparently I always criticised and nothing was ever good enough though - not sure I buy this though and neither do others that know me.

I was guilty of not talking enough also at times after work - when she needed to when I came home. Just wanted 30 mins to unwind first. Can't give you the full picture here but I am sure you can broadly see.

Excellent job and very, very well paid, profession in property and hard work stressful, legal, and adversarial. Still have the same - for now.

When the sitch. changed - WAW had an emotional affair, possibly full EA but she says not and I tend to agree. I did catch her out on something I can write more later.

When the 'A' happened and I found out I went into chasing and eggshell mode to her raging critical role. She has always been critical though - sometimes critical fairly but she went into overdrive, can't do anything right from stacking the dishwasher to washing up, ironing the kids clothes etc. Probably all those things I started to do to compensate. The wrong things. In the end I just stopped doing those things under pressure of argue,net avoidance and not waking the kids with her shouting.

Shouting became her power.

Blindsided ? Not completely. She had been talking about if for a while - A was 2 years ago. I had money locked down except one account in her name. She found it and withdrew a lot of money and ran. She was basically cracking under the pressure I think. She still is when I see her. I am pretty cool with it in fairness. Wasn't always but am getting there - still down days but okay.

Help with learning to communicate with her and get the monster in her gone for good even if that means being apart while distancing (short to long term) yet being there for the kids. I need to set boundaries, sort custody, potentially property (I am in the family home).

Still see her and her family and she is starting to be more genial. I don't think there is another man on the scene at all (unless it's very late night texts etc) can't see it though. Could be. I will see her in an hour as she drops the kids for the school run - but I won't engage, she will try a little. I will the. Cuddle the kids and take them to school, I will make them laugh and help them to be happy and secure. They are a little shaken but okay. I can still really make them laught lots.

She will pop round for D8 piano practice later. I have the piano here. I plan on being around but I will work from my office. - which is in the garden. That way I can se the kids and not engage. Unless you think just be out full stop? Not sure on this.

Sorry it's all a bit rambled. I will try and get a history down to the present days do will be really interested in your input as the WAW mindset is totally alien to the LBH as you know and it only takes understanding to help with planning and implementing the right strategy as you know.

Thank you again. I am so, so grateful for you help and any insight. Sorry if this is rambling and unstructured.