We can still be friends

[liono]

I'd stop looking for evidence of A, though. You will only drive yourself crazy and may wind up making yourself look bad

Totally. At one point I made a little flowchart for myself that went something like:
1) if there's already PA, then there's literally nothing I can do about it. It's happening/has happened. Bugging out about it only affects my own head.
2) if there's EA approaching PA, or just the beginning of one, then me snooping and obsessing is just going to result in more pushing. Also not what I want.
3) if it's all in my head, then I'm literally driving myself crazy for no benefit whatsoever, and if I let those thoughts slip out in front of her or get confrontational or anything, it's only going to push her.

Can't always remember that in my darkest moments, but it helps
Also, although reading all the posts here makes me even more worried sometimes about A, it's also strangely comforting knowing that others are actually working through it.

My mantra right now is accept the evidence or lack thereof I have in front of me, but other than that, GAL.