I agree with Roxi I've made the mistake and tried to reason with my STBXW when she went monster.
Only makes it worse..you end up arguing to validate your point.. he says crazy things and rewrites history and finishes by saying ... "you see, we should break up, it will never work."
Hi Irish, thanks for your post as always. You are so right with this ^^! That is exactly what he says at the end of it! I find it rather scary how they all follow the same script!
Originally Posted By: IrishM
just don't do the same things that didn't work. Eventually you will find something that pleases him or works. It won't wake him up but at least you can have a bit of normalcy.
One thing I haven't seen is the boundaries on just dropping by when he feels like it. Set up that schedule. If his schedule doesn't fit yours find some middle ground.
I know, your right, that isn't something you've seen. One reason is I'm too afraid to set them because it means time away from my kids for me, and the other reason is that I just have no idea how to go about setting them with him when he is so unreasonable as soon as I open my mouth! As for not doing what didn't work, I feel like there isn't anything that worked other than pretending I was happy with the situation and I don't feel like I physically have it in me to be so false any more. Feel like I'm the worst DBer ever right now. It has been seven months and the best I can say is I don't cry every day now. That being said, I cried almost all weekend this weekend. S and I did a great GAL activity most of Saturday daytime and raised some money for a local charity, but the rest of the time I sat and sobbed uncontrollably a lot.
Originally Posted By: IrishM
You feeling that your H is ill, can't control himself is good. It will give you some peace that it is not your fault. All you can do is let him go. Get on with your life as if he is not coming back. If he wants back in he'll let you know. Just hope he's fully cooked.
I vacillate a lot on this between it is all my fault to not all my fault. I am totally drained from it all and don't feel that I can get on with my life as if he is not coming back because he is here so often and just sits in the armchair as if he still lives here. I know I need to do something about that, and soon, because it is driving me crazy.
Thanks for your continued support Irish, I truly appreciate it.
