Back but for a different reason

[ClingingToHope]

Journaling:

Struggling again this afternoon. Just had lunch with D13. She said something that made me cringe inside. As I dropped her off, she said "don't work too hard."

I don't think she was joking. She is too young, and I think D17 is still too young, to realize how empty I feel without a career.

Now, truthfully, I have been working today. I have a couple small clients that needed some work done and I worked on that. I am umpiring tonight. I am actually making a couple hundred bucks today.

In fact, just from a purely survival point of you I've had a good couple of days. I took a drug test yesterday for the post office. I have an interview with them next Tuesday. I've applied for a Rural Carrier Associate, which is subbing for the guys who take the mail out into the sticks. I've read up on the position. It's not a career, it's a chance to bring in more money on weekends.

On the way back, I got texts from a guy in another town needing an umpire during a weekend I don't have my daughters. I'll earn $120 to $210 cash in one day. Then I got the email for a short writing assignment from a company that I would love to bring me in full time. I got there in time, got the assignment and finished that this morning.

Again, it comes back to letting go of worry and just having faith.

Today, this morning I sent a resume to a nonprofit for a job that on my resume I'm not all that qualified for, but I've done several projects over the years that would qualify me. I have a former co-worker there and I sent her an email asking her to advocate for me.

I also got a call from a headhunter about a resume.

So things are happening .... just nothing solid. The funny thing is how emotionally drained I feel.