if it was your login, that's one thing, but it's your mom's.
I would say you don't feel comfortable giving out your mother's login info. You can kindly explain either she could contact your mother directly (which I bet she won't do) or she can sign up for her own accounts.
Not unreasonable.
Yea, I get it. It just seems so nit-picky to me, like I'm punishing her for leaving me. I know my mom wouldn't care. Idk
I will say that there seems to be a bit of weight off my shoulders since she left. I know its still very early into this, but seems like progress.
The thing through all this, yes I would think most who post here have the end game of R in mind right?... however the WAS has to arrive at a destination all by themselves that they want the M, they want to put in the work, they have to miss you and everything they felt so sure they needed to walk away from.
The HBO account request .... you are giving her the space and time she wanted, the things she walked away from and did not take ... those are now yours. She needs to live her new life without your help, no passwords for TV accounts that you (or your mom) are paying for .... DO NOT FUND the separation.
The thing through all this, yes I would think most who post here have the end game of R in mind right?... however the WAS has to arrive at a destination all by themselves that they want the M, they want to put in the work, they have to miss you and everything they felt so sure they needed to walk away from.
The HBO account request .... you are giving her the space and time she wanted, the things she walked away from and did not take ... those are now yours. She needs to live her new life without your help, no passwords for TV accounts that you (or your mom) are paying for .... DO NOT FUND the separation.
And this is where I get unsure/confused. Through a lot of my research, part of what I've read was to be very agreeing, to not 'rock the boat' and try to avoid argument. And also, to be extremely consistent in what I say and do. That being said, I had always agreed that I would give her access to those. (I have 2 streaming boxes, she took one)
I understand letting her figure things out on her own, which I have every intention of letting her do, but it seems counterintuitive to say one thing and then flip and do another. I want to be as consistent as possible. Am I wrong in that?
And this is where I get unsure/confused. Through a lot of my research, part of what I've read was to be very agreeing, to not 'rock the boat' and try to avoid argument. And also, to be extremely consistent in what I say and do. That being said, I had always agreed that I would give her access to those. (I have 2 streaming boxes, she took one)
What you may fail to realize is that the above researched advice was probably about how to improve a M that had problems other than a wayward wife. Also, if you compare various sources, there will definitely be varied advice.
Quote:
I understand letting her figure things out on her own, which I have every intention of letting her do, but it seems counterintuitive to say one thing and then flip and do another. I want to be as consistent as possible. Am I wrong in that?
You mean like when you put your foot down over the coffee thingamajig and turned around and let her have it? Too bad you didn't put your foot down with her a long time ago.....especially in areas that actually carried some weight!
Look Digit, I don't think you are confused at all. I think you are just trying to justify what you are doing. I think you are doing what Digit wants to do. Why? B/c you are a nice-guy type and that is how you operate. You want to do all the nice-guy things and hope to get your wayward wife back. While I dare say, your nice-guy ways had a lot to do with why you are where you are.
Why don't you research the nice guy syndrome?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
You mean like when you put your foot down over the coffee thingamajig and turned around and let her have it? Too bad you didn't put your foot down with her a long time ago.....especially in areas that actually carried some weight!
I know that I'm that nice guy. I'm not trying to justify being a nice guy, things like this are so trivial in the grand scheme. I want to put my foot down on things that matter, that carry weight. I've started down that path by verbally letting her know that I won't tolerate any contact from her ex. And through actions, not talk, I've already shown her that I do not NEED her. I'm getting the house back together, and getting in the best shape of my life (that's really just for me) and carrying all of the (what was once "our") bills.
As of now, there will be no need for any communication between us. I know she'll want to see the dogs, but they are mine. I'll probably be going somewhere that weekend with them
part of her reasoning for wanting out was that I'm selfish. And its true, I WAS selfish. I can't take back things, but I can work to be better. I truly have learned to empathize more and realize that its not all about me. Sure, I have my boundaries, and things that I do just for myself. But I now realize my part in all of this and I'm trying to do right.
so W texts me yesterday asking if I want some curtains back that she took. I said sure, anything you don't want, you can bring back. She asked for a few things that she forgot. I said ok, I'll put them in the garage and you can get them whenever (I took her house key).
She then starts texting about once an hour for things she remembers she wants. I tell her "make a list of what you remember that you want and then text me in a month or so" She said "that's weird, why would I do that?" "So you're not texting me everyday for things you want, and you can just get a bunch at once" "I'll just have S(18) do it" I was REALLY hoping she wasn't going to involve him. I told her to not get him involved to which she replied "can it be at least a week instead of a month" Sure I said, was just throwing a date out anyway.
Point being, I don't want her around right now. i'm doing really well, and feel anxious/maybe even angry whenever she contacts me or she is brought up in conversation. Distance is my friend right now.
Her S, my SS, has been staying with her. I anticipated that, but I bought a bed for him to sleep here in his room if he wanted to anyway. I am NOT ok with her using him to do her bidding in my house. I'd really hate to have to take his key too because I know that he'll do what she asks him to.
I have to say that since she has moved out, I definitely have a calmness now. I'm not thinking about what she is doing or how she is feeling. I'm only focused on my own day to day. I'm looking at what's right in front of me. My band has a gig this weekend that should be a really good time. Pre-sale tickets for the show are at about 2000 right now, so it will be a packed house and a welcomed party with a lot of good people.
