Uncharted Waters

[2Times2Many]

First off I want to express my sincere gratitude for this forum. It's great to know that I can express my feelings here among those who have walked or are walking this path and know that they understand.

Bright ... I will find that patience shovel!

Job ... Thank you so much for the pep talk. You're right. I shouldn't be comparing what happens today with what happened in the past because things have changed. That wedding thing just stung though. I'll take your advice and let it go.

After posting my rant, I texted H and told him I didn't answer his calls because I was trying to work through some issues and didn't think it was a good time to talk. He just replied ok and he hoped I worked it out and got a good night's sleep. I thanked him for his understanding.

This morning he called the office as usual and immediately asked if he'd done something wrong. I said no and I guess I was just having a post vacation, back to same old grind moment and vaguely referenced stuff at the office. He seemed to accept that.

He said he had set his clock to get up early so he could call me before I went to bed to find out about my trip. That prompted me to say that now I felt bad (and I do). He just said no problem. I told him that was very sweet and it meant a lot to me that he did that. I told him I was sorry I was too self-absorbed to pick up the phone. Then I added that he knows me well and knows I have my moments and at least I didn't invite him to my pity party like I've done in the past. He laughed. So, all good.

After talking a bit about business, he said he'd had the worst weekend of his life. I asked what happened, but he was very vague in his answer and I obviously didn't press. He went on to talk about happiness again and said he's not a happy person (apparently someone there pointed that out to him recently) and although he tries, he just can't "be happy." He said I've tried this and that (naming a couple of things, like meditation), or being happy in the moment, but nothing works. He said what my IC suggested (that he might be depressed) may be valid and he planned to "explore" that. He sounded very down.

I just said I completely understood .... been there. I told him if he ever needed anything from me, just let me know.

I have no clue what's going on over there, but he came across as really struggling. He is a very unhappy man and doesn't seem to be trying to wear that "happy" mask to hide it.

So, again, thank you everyone for putting up with my pity party. I'm so glad I could get all that venom out here and not add to H's issues because he seems somewhat fragile at the moment.