Need a fresh start...but he's still here

[lost18]

I agree that I need to work on me and have been focusing on that! Quite honestly, this is who my H is for the most part.

I am concerned about the lack of sex and I'm not sure how to handle it. It was a big issue prior to BD as he was HD and I was LD. My lack of interest in sex (rarely initiated) made him feel unwanted/unloved. Now I'm in a situation where I don't want to be the pursuer as that doesn't seem to work well BUT I don't want to make him feel unwanted in that regard.

Other issues that play a role for him:


Back pain even after surgery, still needs pain control (not oxy so not concerned with addiction issues, only takes when he is in major pain)

Suffering from ED even prior to back injury

Heart attack in March now on several meds (not sure if he can take little blue pill with the meds)

Not feeling well in general (meds he's on with combination of boredom, stress and "nothing to look forward too, earning and potential for earning limits) This worries me because in the past he seems to blame me for the unhappiness in his life and then tends to stray. No sign of that yet....

My main issue is my weight gain, working on getting back in shape but think a lot of the weight gain may be hormonal so more of a struggle to lose, top that with his affair (never discussed) and I feel very unattractive. Something I am working on but not easy.

Any advice that may help me maneuver thru this would be appreciated...I'm just unsure how I should be handling this.