I think maybe the two impulses of wanting to reconcile and wanting to protect myself may be conflicting.
I dont see how these are conflicting at all. Are you suggesting that the only way to reconcile is by -NOT- protecting yourself? That doesnt really make any sense.
Originally Posted By: qt4x11
I wrote down my short term goals according to the DR book: -more friendlier and relaxed interactions with my wife over text messages and phone -more in person interactions between me and my wife -continue with no pursuing behaviors to build trust
This is a pretty good start. How about your other goals for yourself? These are all relate to the chance of getting your wife to turn around. What about the goals about things that would attract her to you once she does turn around?
Originally Posted By: qt4x11
On Tues., I gave her a small birthday present of movie tickets. ‘Take the kids and have fun, happy birthday’ I said. I got a note of thanks.
Hmmm. I have a hard time NOT seeing this as pursuit.
Originally Posted By: qt4x11
I text her - ‘I will be withdrawing $1000 from our shared business account to pay my brother rent, I’ll label these transactions in the bank account’.
Blech. I wish you would have posted here first. Lawyers are very important, and you certainly need to protect yourself. By the same token, their interest is in getting the best "deal" for you that they can. They are not interested in busting your divorce. Just because something is "appropriate" does not mean it will help you to achieve your goals.
I agree that its ridiculous that you are sleeping on a couch and shes living scot-free at home. Thats why it's instructed to never leave the house - it's a lot harder to get back in once youre out. Now that there's the legal action, you certainly cant just barge your way in the door.
But I cant imagine that this action is going to help you. Seriously, youre claiming that you need to pay your brother $1000 for a month of sleeping on a couch? You could have rented your own place for practically that much. How is she going to take that as anything but trying to "get back at her"? Can you show where that $1000 number comes from? Is it broken down by shares of utilities, food, etc? Otherwise, it feels like an incredibly arbitrary (and large) amount.
