GAL does not in effect steer an HD person to LD...if it does that, it's your choice. GAL IMPO does not have anything to do with your desire level, but it does have to do with the other person taking notice....you will do your own thing, with or without them, and that often gets their attention, it makes you appear a stronger person to them.
I see you focusing on desire, desire, desire, sex, sex, sex.....but you still don't see the big picture on how different things that you do can affect your entire R dynamics. You seem to continually focus on sex all the time. I know you say you want an EC with your W, but you focus on sex....not the R, read your posts. Until you can focus on your R and stop running yourself in this same circle I don't see you moving forward.
Oh, and I can definitely tell you....I am the focus of my LDH's life. Anyone we know would tell you that as well, that man worships the ground I walk on and he shows me he loves me in the best ways HE is able to right now, those ways aren't necessarily the ways I need him to show me....but that doesn't mean I'm not a major focus of his life. I really feel you are being presumptuous saying what you think LD/ND people think/feel....you really don't know, you aren't in their shoes. You may think you aren't a primary focus for your W, but you really ought to ask her....don't ASSume it.
As many people have told you before CeMar, LD/ND people very often have issues in the M too, needs that aren't being met that are just as valid as the needs of yours that aren't being met.....and women's bodies simply change throughout the years, hormones change, sexual desire levels can definitely change.
FWIW, and I don't know that this will make one IOTA of difference to you but I have a good friend of mine......she's 45, still a very active and attractive lady. She loves her husband with every ounce of herself, would do anything she could for him....but you know what? She has absolutely no desire to have sex. After she had her 3rd child she lost her libido. She's been to Dr's. taken medications to try to increase her libido and nothing has worked. She will never turn her H down when he asks for sex, but she feels soooooo horrible that she no longer has that desire for it herself, he makes her feel like she's dysfunctional when she's not. This is something she has absolutely no control over. Her husband has been talking to her about her level of desire and asking her why she doesn't "want" him anymore.....you know what? This makes her feel absolutely terrible. He just doesn't understand that a physiological change has taken place in her body that she has NO control over. She cannot "will" the desire to be there, she has yet to successfully create that desire by medication as well. But because he keeps focusing on it I see my friend heading into a depression because she's not able to satisfy his need to feel "desired" no matter how hard she tries. He refuses to see that she does sooooo many things to show him he's desired in the ways that she can....but she cannot create that sexual desire if it simply is not there. From what she's told me there have even been times when she's initiated and he's stopped her because he thought she was just going through the motions (how unfair is that?)...when what she was truly doing was trying to show him how much she loved him....no the "sexual desire" wasn't there....but the desire to please him was. No she wasn't sexually driven, she wasn't driven by his definition of "desire", she was driven by love. But because what she was doing wasn't his "definition" of desire....he shut her down. He rejected her. I just wanted to share that bit of info with you....because in so many ways, when I read your posts....you are reminding me of her H.
I'm still waiting for you to share with us anything you've talked to her about that has expressed your dissatisfaction with your M and your situation. I truly suspect that your W has issues in your M too....don't you want to find out what those issues are?
