[BrightFuture]

Hello whoever is still reading my updates, LOL. I have some updates, but not sure I can describe everything good enough, as I’m still trying to wrap my head around some things… I don’t even know where to start.

Job, thanks for cheering me up! I do keep the communication channel open. It is actually not as hard anymore, to communicate with H, as I have almost no expectations. I said “almost” because I feel that I still get sucked into the story… Hence… my updates…

As I posted before, I had my B-day celebration at my sister’s. My BIL (H’s brother) was there too. Apparently there was a “moment” that I missed… When we were still sitting at the dinner table and before I was opening the presents, my BIL handed me what I thought were his gifts from him. He gave me what I thought was a very small jewelry box and his usual gift certificate to a massage place. I looked at the box and thought that it was kind of a weird gift from BIL. He said something about it, but by that time I had a few drinks and was feeling very merry, LOL. So, I totally didn’t make anything out of that box, except that it was a strange gift from my BIL.

A few days later my sister called me to chat and asked me what I thought about that BIL’s gift, as she detected some “meaning” in it. Well, my sister is pretty intuitive, and she didn’t have as many drinks as I did. She told me that my BIL was saying something in the sense that this little gift was an addition to what I’ve already received… and that I should know what it is… And then it hit me… This little box is a very nice lipstick case! With the mirror! I suppose, to hold that lipstick that H sent to me! OMG! I wish I remembered what BIL said at the time he handed this lipstick case to me. I’m so ignorant! Or, maybe I’m so detached that I don’t even get any “hints”… if this can be considered that… I’m completely confused. What is this supposed to mean???

And then this, folks… Some of you will get a kick out of it, LOL. I went to my sister’s for dinner last Saturday and we discussed this again. This time with my other BIL (my sister’s H) involved. He said that the lipstick is definitely an intimate gift, and that it could be a sing of H’s movement towards reconnecting. But, it could be also just a gesture to recognize my milestone B-day. But… the follow up with the lipstick case could be something different… again… meaning the reconnection... Soooo… his “advice” was that if H wants to reconnect and make the amends, I should consider it… Because… he is a nice person… and there are not too many people like him… And… my sister agreed… OMG! These are the same people who were telling me to move on, forget about H and find another R!

Then… it occured to them that H’s brother was asking them about the plans for my B-day like 2 weeks prior (which is unusual for him, but again.. could be explained by the fact that it was a milestone B-day.) And then I told them that H had an airline ticket purchased… to fly to my city on the date of my B-day… I know this because it was charged to the business CC. This ticket got unused, as H didn’t fly… I thought that he purchased this ticket by mistake… Then I thought that it was not a mistake, but he learnt that I would be in Vegas and decided to cancel it…

I told my sister and her H about that ticket. Oh boy… Were they upset! They started to regret that they didn’t think to invite my H to my B-day party, as they thought that there were all the indications that he would want to come over.

Not sure what to call this, a Cinderella story or a soap opera, LOL! If there was any purpose in all of this is that it definitely made my head spin. If all of this is not my imagination, and H wanted to get my attention, I can say that he achieved his goal. This is where I need some support here. I think I’m hopeless… thinking about how kind H has been recently and all this “effort” to give something special for my B-day… and all these increased communication… plus my BIL’s “help” (still need to find out the real meaning of it)… I caught myself today thinking that I should have paid more attention to the “signs” and gave H more opportunity… Don’t even know what kind of opportunity… Except I feel somewhat regretful that I didn’t recognize his “efforts”??? I didn’t invite him for my B-day… I feel sorry for H… I know these feelings of things that cannot be repeated again, like his nieces’ weddings, which I didn’t attend and where my son was also not invited to. I feel like I’m not making much sense here.

All I need now is to stay the course. To keep moving on with my life and doing things that are good for me! I do want to get together with my BIL (H’s brother) to find out the truth about that lipstick case. He actually asked me about HH last week, but I was busy.

I’ve got a lot of other things going on right now. Can’t wait for some relaxing time.