Moving on

[Painter]

So as usual when I don't have contact with WH, my anger starts to surface. I am so angry at him these days for what he has done. Not only to me, but to his entire family.

He lied to me, betrayed me and deceived me. He hurt me terribly with his thoughtless, selfish actions.

He enlisted his two children, who I took care of for 15 years, to lie to me to hide his secrets.

His daughter has had severe stress reactions over this, and struggles with the reality of what has happened. She just can't merge the father she used to be so close to, with the man who hurt me so bad. So she has to pretend it didn't really happen. The consequence is that her relationship with me is damaged, possibly beyond repair. She just can't take in what her father has done because she is so attached to him and so afraid of losing him. I guess that's what happens when parental love is conditional.

It has damaged his relationship with my son (who he adopted) beyond repair, and it has damaged the relationship between his daughter and my son (who were SO close) because my son supports me (which I actually don't think he would have if I had been the cheater) and is upset that his stepsister has seemingly turned against me after visiting with WH and OW.

WH said he only moved OW in so quickly because of her financial situation (unable to support herself). So his concern for her is obviously greater than his concern for me.

Selfish, narcisisstic teenagers. That's what they act like. Two 60-year olds who behave like they are 16. 'We're happy so everyone should be happy for us.' No regard for other people's feelings or any idea that not everyone would be thrilled for them.

I feel like telling him off and just say: 'F U and F OW and her money problems, how was that more important to you than the woman who raised your kids and took care of your mother for 15 years? If you were really so afraid of hurting me, how about *not* doing stuff that breaks my heart and fractures the family even more?'

He has such a victimized attitude. Every time I was upset about the A, he pointed to the problems we had in our M. He just could not see that those were two separate things. If I asked him directly, he would backpedal, but in his mind, the A was completely excused by the problems we had - and those problems were all caused by me, according to him. When I point out that it seems unfair to blame it all on me, he admits that he's sure there's things I was unhappy with, but he can only tell me what *he* experienced. So much for introspection!

I have noticed this victimized attitude in petty criminals. Many of them will feel that they had the right to steal because someone had slighted them. It's an attitude that completely robs you of power of your own destiny. My stepson has a lot of this, and I always told him that he could chose to be a victim and stew over life's unfairness and go nowhere, or he could take charge and create his own life on his own terms. He actually said to me once, 'I don't do anything, I just react to what others to do me.' Well, there's the problem right there... And I know where he has that idea from.

Ah. I think I feel a little better now.