Moving on

[SH_]

Hi painter,

I have been meaning to get back and reply to you for sometime now. I have been super busy, but here I am.

That is interesting that you got that. It seems the more common pattern is that WAWs complain about H being emotionally distant, buried in work, not wanting to talk. Do you feel that you are different from your male friends? And do you communicate differently with women than with men?

Yep, she hates how I like to discuss things. She did not like to talk about emotions or how to enhance our relationship. She did not want to discuss parenting practices so we were on the same page, discuss our dreams or future. She simply wanted me to know what she wanted and thought all of the time. When I did not mind read well enough, it was my fault.

I don't believe that my communication with women differ that with men. I have read a lot of material on communication as I feel it is an art that far to many people overlook. Now I am, not saying that I am an expert or great communicator, but I am always looking for better ways to communicate. But I think I take the same approach with both genders.

WH said many of the things to me that your WAW said to you.
- a good relationship doesn't require work, it just is. It's 'too much work' to fix ours.
- I analyze too much. (But it was handy at times.)
- I'm too tenacious. Won't let things go. (Often used after he had a rage, or when I was asking about affair, or most recently, when I have been upset about him moving OW into the house in secret.)
- I want to talk too much about our R. It seems to equate to complaining to him. He is probably right that I didn't say enough positive things about us. Actually, I gave up trying to work on the M at some point, because it was obvious I was alone in my effortss ... until I found out about the A.

I heard all of the same. There was/is not an A, but WAW feels things should just happen. She believes some people just don't belong together.

I see a lot of this clearly now. I think I saw signs over the almost 20 years, but I thought if I could just keep trying and just be a better husband or father, she would actually try and put in an effort.
Part of me now feels like she is giving me a gift. A gift to do things that I feel are right without having to worry about pleasing her or convincing her of anything. I can be my own man and do what I feel from the heart.

But anyway, I guess I have a horn growing from my forehead if you thought men like me may just be a unicorn....