Detachment, anxiety and the end of limbo

[Phoebe]

Yup. I slept about an hour in the parking lot. Being too tired to stay awake mid-day is becoming a bad habit. I almost never nap, and now I'm doing it in public?!?!

This evening I read some more from a book from my therapist, and the chapter about fear got me crying again. Good grief. I had been doing less of that, but it seems like the last few days have brought my emotions closer to the surface again. I think I'd like a bit of that old numbness to come back.

So my chicks are in their newly-expanded digs and were having a jolly time scratching and running around when I left them tonight. They really are quite amusing. They're at at age where they freak out anytime I get near them. I remember some of my chicks last year were the same way, and they all mellowed out eventually. My full grown girls were super sweet when I was out with them, tonight, crowding around me and letting me pet them. The cats are as sweet as ever.

I went out and walked my fields right at dark again. I love walking at the end of the day. It's so peaceful and quiet. Deer were out grazing, and it was just beautiful. I hope that we have a nice warm evening soon. The fireflies are out, but they put on their best displays when it's warm, and this past week has been downright chilly. I have the heat on, actually.

My land brings me so much comfort and solace. H is gone, but the world, and particularly my little corner of it, is still a beautiful place.