Uncharted Waters

[2Times2Many]

Bright ... my IC tells me all the time that you can't "make" someone else happy. Don't beat yourself up. If he was unhappy, he could have voiced that to you and clued you in and enlisted you to help him find his answers. I've come to realize that my H's unhappiness comes from inside him and his unhappiness with the person he is. There's not a dang thing I can do to fix that. I didn't cause it. And neither did you.

As for BIL ... he's not so bright. He tries to cover that up, but it ain't working. One of our managers told me today that he's made remarks about H and I talking. I think BIL thought H checked out (and he did) and all of sudden, H is paying attention. I see it as an ego/power thing. It will be interesting to see how it plays out.

Esame ... BIL did ruin the beginning of my trip, but once I was on my way, I was good. I was so upset, I took the tram to the wrong terminal and had to backtrack to the right one ... at an airport I know like the back of my hand!

Families do complicate things, but it's worse when they're involved in a business. I just don't see this ending well for H. It was a hair-brained idea to bring BIL on board, but H was so deep in the fog at that time .... This will be one HE has to deal with. I'm staying as far away as I possibly can.

So, now I have to rant so I won't rant at H. Please bear with me.

I talked to H for the first time in a week. He started off apologizing because he "wanted" to call on Sunday to hear about my trip, but the day "got away" from him. I'm calling BS on that. He's like 12 hours different and could have called if he weren't either otherwise engaged or not in a condition to carry on a coherent conversation. Okay, par for the course.

But the kicker is this ... our assistant's sister is getting married. He has long considered our assistant and her sister as something like surrogate daughters.

Anyway, the marriage is arranged and the father set the date for July 10. H was supposed to come back on then 6th. He told me today he changed his flight from the "8th" (hey, I ain't dumb) to come back on the 12th so he could go to this gal's wedding.

I was aware of the wedding and the date via a text he sent while I was in NYC and pretty much expected him to do this, but was hoping he wouldn't. I simply responded to his rescheduling by saying that I figured he'd do that.

So here's my thing. He's missed 4 anniversaries, my last birthday (and behaved like an a$$ for the two prior), 3 Thanksgivings and a host of other "special" occasions the past 3 years. He even flew out of here a week before my mother's funeral. He could have rescheduled his flight to attend my Mom's funeral, but didn't. He had a New Year's Eve bash to attend! But he can reschedule for a wedding for some gal in India who he considers a "surrogate" daughter?

What about the 6 step-grandkids who view him as their favorite grandpa? I'm just disgusted by this behavior.

I am so angry right now. I don't care if I ever see his face again.

I am so tired of being patient and understanding and forgiving.

I would love to have a considerate, devoted and FAITHFUL man to share my life with, but I just don't see him fulfilling that role. I have serious doubts he ever will.

I see signs of him "waking up" but I don't know how much longer I can wait for him to get his head out of his a$$ and be an adult.

So, Job, where do I find that patience? Is this a lost cause? Should I just cash in my chips? I can do that and I know I'll be fine. But, am I cashing in too soon?

Why is this so important to me and why is this more unsettling than OW2? I don't get it.