Mozza's own success story

[Maybell]

I'm feeling like I'm on the other side of you, Mozz, on the speed of the relationship. I was happy to be exclusive with New Guy. With time constraints and my generally conservative nature, I find it easier to see one person at a time. With my history with Mr. Fantastic, too, I am more comfortable being exclusive -- no wondering what he's up to.

That being said, I'm in no rush to hear ILY. I think I do love him... I think he does love me... but there is some weight to those words that I fear a little bit and I'd really rather watch and see how things go before I make that commitment. What expectations attach to saying ILY on his side? What does he think I expect after hearing those words? What does that mean to my kids? How does that change our dynamic? Frankly, things have been in enough flux for me that I just want to see them settle down and find where our mutual comfort zone is before I see where those three weighty words send us.

ALSO, and this may actually be relevant to your NG... Mr. Fantastic said ILY at 6 WEEKS and I said it back, and meant it. But we really didn't know each other at all, and that was 20 years younger. Last night my New Guy said he thought he understood me pretty well, and it grated a little. How can he, when I don't necessarily understand myself? How can he, when he doesn't really fathom the wound Mr. Fantastic left on me -- and in some cases, when I'm still processing through the implications of his actions myself? All that being said... I think that I really do love him... but I'm not sure what it means and I want the opportunity to sort that out with him when we are alone together. The complications of factoring the kids, etc. into our relationship are more than I can handle all in one fell swoop. Maybe your New Girl feels similarly, especially with everything else she has going on?

I'm sorry she backed away. You deserve someone who is enthusiastic about you. Someone who makes you learn things about yourself and who learns just from being together with you. I hope you find her at exactly the right time.