I don't think he would leave, he really doesn't 'complain' much... outloud... to me... verbally! I notice him getting 'short' with everyone, and I guess this is how he shows he is 'frustrated' with things. But no, I wouldn't want to face that before I made a change.
I'm just wondering how you make the decision STICK? How do you keep on 'doing it' in the long run and not fall back into your regular old patterns. I realize I have to make a committment, but staying the course seems to be a big hurdle. I don't think H is going to 'lovingly' remind me!!!
How do you do it (and I don't mean 'it' )? How do you 'stay the course'? Do you slip up occasionally? Does it make Mr. NOP upset or nervous? How do you get back on course, and does Mr. NOP remind you?
Thank you for taking the time to help... my H would thank you too!
Jen, whether or not he is complaining out loud, you have got to realize that to live in sexual frustration for years leaves him so very vulnerable to any woman who offers any hint of sexual desire for him. There's a large fuzzy line between thinking you are trusting someone and actually just taking them for granted.
Until it becomes more automatic for you, you make it stick by setting up a schedule and making damn sure you follow through. I found that saying we'll do it Tuesday and Saturday was much more workable than saying we'll do it twice a week.
Part of your husband's frustration right now is NEVER knowing when he's going to get to make love with his wife. Unpredictability on something like this is a recipe for frustration and eventually disgust if not outright hatred.
He probably runs through a repertoire of things he thinks might work and that may have appeared to work in the past. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. There is an incredible amount of negative emotion that builds over time when you are stuck in situation with someone you love and you feel absolutely powerless to impact your situation.
Do you understand what I am saying?
Sometimes he puts his quarter in, pulls the slot and gets a couple of quarters back. Sometimes he puts his quarter in and the slot machine runs away from him. Sometimes he puts his quarter in and the slot machine gives him the jackpot.
That's all well and good and acceptable - when you are gambling. It sucks sewage bilge when you feel like the responses you get from your spouse are a constant crapshoot.
When we first did the we'll do it twice a week, I would put it off until there were only a couple of days left in the week. Still sucked for NOP because he still had to deal with the "when's it going to happen?" aspect. So, his frustration continued throughout the preceeding days. Once we got to the we'll do it this day and this day - *some* of the frustration was eliminated - well, except for his justified fear that I was going to crap out on the agreement, because he at least knew *when*.
You're right that he's not going to remind you, but you can rest assured that the disappointment, frustration and anger will continue to build when you choose not to honor your committment. When you fail to follow through, instead of pretending that the elephant didn't really just poo on your carpet, let him know that you know you failed him. And do something about it. I still on occasion have to deal with my attitudes - but I recognize that it is *my* responsibility to deal with my attitude. If he's done something that has contributed to it, then it is *my* responsibility to address it with him. If it's the result of my own thought process, then it is still my issue to address with my own self.
My relationship with my husband is something that needs to be protected, fed, guarded, supported, celebrated, emphasized, improved.
Think about it, what is so hard about dedicating a couple of hours a week to loving your husband?
