Infidelity/WAH, my story pt 2

[PsySara]

Ok, so that wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I picked up WH from the airport and drove us home. He isn't fasting today and asked if we could eat. I suggested a drive through and he requested a eat-in place. I was mildly surprised as I expected him to avoid me at all costs, which is his standard defense mechanism.

I 180'd super hard. I only talked about non-emotional things, kept it to the kids and daily logistics. I informed him I would be staying out most nights. He seemed surprised and asked what my plans were, I simply gave him a vague response about being with friends. On the way home he quietly asked me what my week ahead looked like. I told him lots of work and saying ym goodbyes to friends. He then asked me when I wanted to "talk about what just happened and stuff." I told him he had requested time and space and I was going to give it to him in spades as I also needed the same thing. He said he felt making me wait to talk was unfair to me. I gave an exasperated laugh and said, "None of this is fair to me. You will do what you want regardless of my feelings or requests. He was very quiet and asked if I had a support system in place. I told him I was coping. I did mention that he would find very little breast milk for the baby in the fridge as my supply has plummeted to almost zero since the second affair came out. His expression was one of devastation and he said how sorry he was. If he had been this way before I would have felt such relief. But now I don't put much credit on anything he says, believe nothing they say and only half of what they do.

So he is receptive (for now) about discussing the affair. Frankly I am not sure what I will say or do because I am not sure I want to save this marriage at this point. My mind remembers that he was still treating me like dirt during April and all the while he was "dating" her. Man, the rage is blinding. I need to let the rage pass before I do or say anything because otherwise I will just attack him verbally and maybe even physically. I even find myself fantasizing about hitting him over and over again, even though I am not a violent person by nature. So I will wait until I know inside what I want to say and with whatever desired goal. Today he just got a face full of confident, strong and sexy SS. My shields are up and locked in place.