Quote: I didn't have an epiphany. I was, at best, a very reluctant partner. We argued more in those 2 years than in the 25 that proceeded it. As those 2 years progressed, what NOP made clear was *this issue was not going to go away*.
That's precisely what depresses the hell out of me.
Quote: I think you must take into consideration that this forum is composed of what would be considered the hard-core cases. It is self-selected primarily by folks who have been in long-term relationships who haven't been able to reach a place of compromise. Most of us are at the other end of the bellcurve with some folks who have sex less than a dozen times a decade. Take that into consideration when trying to extrapolate a percentage of success. Those with less entrenched issues read, post a few times and head on into the sunset. It's like reading a forum for quadraplegics and wondering where all the marathon runners. are.
I think that's probably true, and a hysterical way to put it! But I'd also counter that these types of boards are probably also disproportionately made up of more-motivated, willing-to-work-on-it "fixers" than the average schmoe, too. How many out there could try as hard, as patiently or as lovingly as Tim47/49 or csw did?
Quote: What I see is this. Spouses with higher drives who want their lower drive spouses to push past their own comfort zone and participate sexually and sensually with the HD spouse.
When you are lower drive, being lower drive can very much be a part of your core personality. So, like it or not, you are asking your spouse to alter something they perceive as *being* themself.
I can't speak for everyone else, for speaking for myself (and for CeMar's sitch, which started this whole latest back-and-forth), I'm not looking for a "natural-born" LD to come out of her shell. I'm looking for a woman who was always HD (more than me, actually), to come back to me. I know she's in there, so I really don't feel like I'm asking her to be something that she's not, kwim? But I do, more broadly, understand your point here.
But I'd also counter that these types of boards are probably also disproportionately made up of more-motivated, willing-to-work-on-it "fixers" than the average schmoe, too. How many out there could try as hard, as patiently or as lovingly as Tim47/49 or csw did?
