Hypocrisy is probably a significant piece of it. From the handful of folks on the staff who undermined and sabotaged me by withholding important information I needed to do my job, to my xH (now ordained, in spite of his denomination being aware of his serial infidelity), to my long-time friend-turned-romantic-interest who talked about godliness and grace but behaved like a frat boy and used me at my most broken and vulnerable...a lot of damage done. It sort of leaves you wondering what is real, and feeling creeped out when anyone is kind because you wonder what they want from you. I can accept others being broken--what I cannot accept is when they cause damage to others and are then lauded for their dedication and holiness and their victims are reviled. It takes away any safe place of sanctuary and comfort and results in isolation, which is further damaging.
While I am glad I was able to be authentic and vulnerable, I don't know that I will be able to do so in the future.
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
