Guilt...I have always felt that guilt is a way to punish ourselves for something we feel we did wrong.
noone else can MAKE us feel guilty...it is all on us.
your list, it is all in the past, you have learned to effectively create boundaries, recognise abusive tendencies, bringing him into your life and the lives of your family.
you have learned who the screening banshee Is and what she did was to protect yourswlf. you can recornize that now...which is part of your shift, right?
you are learning that motivation to be the best you is within yourself and this $hit takes time, is not a linear path, ups and downs and all-around sometimes.
sometimes it is easy to let self care lapse, oh boy we are all going through it from time to timw...it is part of learning and I know you will spring back. I KNOW this because you are aware of the benefits of you being happy and what that self care can do for yourself
all this guilt, it is all from within. I have come to realize that I feel guilty when i dont feel like I was punished enough. for example...I was in a car accident umpteen years ago, I was at a bachelor party and drove home. I fell asleep and destroyed my car. I walked away. I coukd have died, i could have killed people because I was stupid and juvenile and stupid. I was not charged or anything...it was pure luck, call it whatever. I feel like I've learned my lesson. I do not drink and drive anymore...it is just not worth it to get buzzed and try.
I still torture myself with the guilt of my crime from time to time...roscolnikovishly. I use that guilt to make sure i dont ever do that again. is that good, idk...can I ever move forward without forgiving myself...not sure, that is all on me though, no one else gives me that guilt. eventually I will decide for myself what i will do.
as for motivation or wallow...that is up to you, right? maybe I am off base. this situation kicks our a$$es sometimes, getting up and learning from that is what separates us from being a quitter.
you are not a quitter. you are not a survivor...you are a thriver, right?
