let me start by saying that things were going well between us the last week or so. we were communicating, she was showing interest in me. she was being nice to me. etc. she asked me to go out on friday night with her and the kids and it went well. then the next day, we as a family drove together for 3 hours and had an over night on a battleship, bunk style sleeping arrangements. and that went splendid. it felt real. it felt great. everyone and everything was happy.
on the ride home a flip switched in her. and she started saying, idk if i want this. this weekend felt like old times and its great, i like you. but i just dont know if i can do this. i was crushed to say the least. we calmly talked about it for the last half hour of the ride and then i went back to my appt.
a few hours later we were texting and i was passive aggressive in my remarks. and i said sorry. then she asked, what was bothering me and i exploded. i told her EVERYTHING that has been bottled up for the past month. i made threats to her about D. i completely flew off the handle.
this morning i took off work and went over to say sorry. and i did. she accepted it and thanked me for recognizing that my behavior was out of line.
she then said, that she just isnt ready. that she likes me, but that me acting like i did, made her put on the brakes. but that its not over, but that we have a lot of work to do and shes just not sure right now what to think.
im sitting her all bummed out right now. if i would have kept my mouth shut last night.......im playing the what if game.
but bottom line, shes not ready to do this. and it shows. sometimes distance works with her. sometimes it backfires. some times connecting with her emotionally works, some times it back fires. i just dont know what to do. no matter what i try, there seems to be an invisible wall that we keep hitting.
then she tells me that this was her make it or break it weekend. this trip was planned months ago. and she told herself that if this weekend went well, she would go for it. if it went poorly, she would call the lawyer. it went well......until the last little bit. she said she is not calling the lawyer. but shes not running to my arms either. ugh....i feel so pathetic. i really got my hopes up. really really got them up. and then bang, crash. and then i buried it 6ft under when i freaked out on her.
