I’d like to repost a comment I made on Superdave’s thread that underpins some of my thoughts on this. I added bold highlights:
Quote: I also disagree that termination of the marriage is in order here. My reasoning is that SD’s wife seems to me to be very “sick.” I think that if she could change, she would change. But like I have argued before, this may be something that needs to be “forced.” The arguments that people will only change when they are ready to change does not make sense to me in all situations. When someone is so dysfunctional, has so strong defenses, is so deluded by their false self, no manner or amount of change on the part of the spouse will create a change in them.
I know many say that the change of the “healthier” spouse will cause the mix in the pot to differ, thus causing the other to change. But how many times have we seen this not work? I think these failures are due in part to the “more” dysfunctional spouse not being able to understand and appreciate the changes made by their spouse. They are too deeply entrenched in their FOO (yes, I believe it comes back to that bird again, especially in these cases)….
Mrs NOP says correctly, I think, that many on this board are here because of serious relationship problems that cannot be easily fixed. Those that can do not stick around long since they are able to get on with their lives. To me, serious problems imply issues with both spouses. The more serious the issue, the more a counselor is needed to help break down the walls.
Does anyone have any feeling on the level of “dysfunction” spouses have and their success rate in getting the marriage back on track? Any recollection of different ways people were able to help a spouse “get it” and start working on the R?
