MLC vs Midlife Reboot

[ciluzen]

Just had to sound the retreat to avoid major casualties in todays unexpected skirmish in MLC vs Spouse War. Not even a battle with H as much as a psychological battle with myself.

As I've said before, my so-called friends disappeared when H left. That was partly my fault for relying on him to be communicator (he and Bubbles did a lot of the planning of our events and outings and also he spoke to everyone at work or was not afraid of talking to everyone in person, in his office, or via text or phone). I made an effort to communicate after he left, but it was pretty obvious they didn't know what to do with me. I stopped going to parties and book club, things H would never go to anyway, when I realized no one asked how I was and didn't call outside of those events.

Anyway, I have a lot of emotions about that with no place to put them.

H and I have done well together this weekend, but the morning of the move he mentioned how he was talking with two of the ladies at work that I do communicate with. They both asked him if I needed help moving. That rubbed me the wrong way as I wondered why they would ask him instead of me, but I also had not spoken to them myself to ask for help. I let it mostly go.

Then today H and I were discussing putting our freezer in storage. He then mentioned that another person had spoken to him about some of the pork we had purchased before he moved out and that I had made an arrangement with them...I lost it. I said, "that person has my number and I have done nothing to anyone and done nothing to give anyone the impression that I wouldn't speak with them if they called!" I then excused myself because I was starting to cry and told him to give me time to get control.

Basically, I'm not sure why people I thought were my friends would suddenly not call me when he left. Now I have to hear that they ask about me or things I can answer but he can't, but they would rather go to him than pick up the phone and ask me. I just feel...abandoned. Like a total pariah. What the h#ll did I do?

I guess I just really need to get this house sold and find a counselor. These emotions are taking their toll. Being patient with H is a piece of cake compared to my feelings about the people that were in my life.