Detachment, anxiety and the end of limbo

[Phoebe]

No, it's a fake birthday, but even if today has been a tough day, it was nothing compared to how bad my real birthday was. That was within a few days of when H ran away.

I was reading about Spousal Abandonment Syndrome today. All I know is that it svcks more than anything I've ever experienced. What's particularly hard is that so many people think I should be over it by now. I wish they understood that I don't want to feel this way. I'm not purposefully wallowing in this. I am doing everything I can to crawl out of the hole. I feel like I'm wearing out my support system, and that is apparently common in the SAS model.

I was really shaky this morning and showed my shaky hands to my father. His annoyed response: "well, why are you DOING it?!" Um… because I like to burn extra calories while standing still? What the he11? I said it started the day H left, and my dad replied "he must have incredible magic powers to still be able to cause that." My father has no empathy whatsoever. I showed my weakness and he was annoyed and scolding. I know the reality is that he's tired of seeing me being so messed up, but directing that frustration at me doesn't help me. It just reinforces the idea that I need to hide myself.

Just a day, and I'm hurting.

Thanks for your kindness Grl and Painter. It's nice to know that not everyone is fed up with my recovery pace.