Mozza's own success story

[Mozza]

NG and I had drinks together a week ago, at her request, and we discussed our relationship. She says that while I check all of her boxes, she doesn't seem to be falling in love (I'm paraphrasing) after four months. She's worried about taking it further. She says — and she told me something alike before — that I go too fast through the steps and she fells trapped into a relationship. I brought up the "girlfriend/boyfriend" moniker a month into our R, said ILY after two months, organize a trip abroad after 3 months, etc. Now, after four months, I was ready to introduce her to the kids and she backed up. I'm glad she did under the circumstances. I acknowledged that I had been too fast for her (she says herself that it's not that I've been objectively too fast) and that it might explain why she was holding back emotionally. At the end, she said she was glad we got to talk and I agreed.

I've been thinking about the relationship too. I didn't feel like I was going too fast: once I'm exclusive with someone, it's normal to talk about "bf/gf", I said ILY to STBX a month after we started dating and I was still loving her 10 years later. Four months before seeing the kids seemed reasonable. Part of me wants to go on because I like her. Part of me would prefer to end it if she's not enthusiastic about me. It means that the ball remains in her court: will she come back and offer an MO where she's comfortable? Will she says it's hopeless? I'm worried that if we stay together, I'll have to hold back and not be myself. Not contact her when I want to, not touch her when I want to, not compliment her when it crosses my mind, etc. This is the reason why I expect to be at peace if she says it just doesn't work: I wouldn't want to live like this. I want to be enthusiastic, to love and be loved.

Her father was receiving the results of his biopsy last Friday — likely to be inoperable lung cancer. Her MBA class is ending on Tuesday with a final test. On Wednesday she is the organizer of an event for 200 people. Thursday, she undergoes a small hand surgery. No wonder she wants a little time. This is not all about me.

My mood is mostly fine. I've only had a bad day last week. The rest of the time, I'm at peace with either courses of action, although I expect to take a hit if the relationship ends.