Thank you for the Birthday Greetings job, mleigh, sotto and bttrfly, you are my cheerleaders and my rocks, I am grateful to you all.

This is just a quick update as some of you may find it interesting. Its an h update:

So after a couple of weeks of h being a bit dark I received an email from him, the short version is that he went to see his new therapist after our weekend and they talked about various subjects, she concluded that this was possibly depression (no kidding Sherlock, I could him told him for free years ago!!) and urged him to see his Dr. He spent a week talking himself into going and when finally did his Dr (who he really has faith in) confirmed that he has multiple signs of depression.

The Dr recommended AD but wants h to go away and think about it first, he advised to continue with the therapy, take up activities that remove his thoughts from general everyday life and start doing more exercise.

H has taken on board all of this and is being proactive while he decides about the AD.

He wanted to apologize for not making our situation higher on his priority list right now, but that this is a lot to get his head around, that he has to accept that he is not superman and its ok to be overwhelmed, its ok not to be in control of everything and micromanage his world. For h this has been HUGE to be told he has depression and that most likely its the reason he changed his whole life.

So I finally have my answer - that this man who completely out of the blue and out of character for him seemingly decided one day that he could not do "us" anymore. In fact, he couldn't and not only that, he couldn't do life anymore. His head was telling him to get out, to leave it all behind, which he did. But really HE did not leave, which is why his feelings for me are still there, its because they never left, this fog of depression descended upon them and his life and smothered them all. He got a jolt of reality when his dear friend died tragically and that lifted the fog enough for not only his hidden feelings for me to surface, but also other buried ones.On top of that it gave him enough clarity to look at the life he created after leaving his old life and the pain and destruction he caused by doing so. He has to deal with all that he has done and own it and that is such a hard thing to have to do, I don't envy his journey at all.

It puts a whole new perspective on things, I see him struggling with all of it and feel so sad that I cannot take it away. I can only support as best I can, be as understanding as I can and allow him to work through this without pressure.

So the long road continues, but it continues with a little more knowledge.

Hope everyone had a good weekend. As always you are all in my thoughts and prayer xoxo