Let me start with AJ's insightful comments from my previous thread. He said:
"...I'm wondering if in Wet's (opinion), it wasn't temporary. If, looking back it turns out that things weren't as good in the relationship for longer than previously expressed and thought.
Maybe. Maybe not. But I do feel it is worth exploring for the sake of perspective.
At no time do I believe that any of us are victims though. We always have choices. We often choose based on reference (what we view as "normal" whether FOO or societal norms) from what I've seen and experienced.
Come to think of it, what do I know anyway? smile
What do you think, Wet? AJ"
AJ, you've given me something to think about. I have always considered the first 15 years of our marriage as really good. We had our children, home, I discovered and then was growing in my Christian faith, W and I did church ministry together.
But underlying this was my choice not to focus on growing my business and to focus on my Christian faith and service. W loved helping out at out kids' schools, and kept herself busy with finding friends and family to help out with.
Now d21 told me early on that I, and not W, who was the one who took the kids to their sports games and practices, attended school events, and worked with the kids to make sure homework was done. W was more interested in socializing with other adults.
And again, I was the sole breadwinner and W cost us more than she brought in with her projects of photography and scrapbooking/making low-cost jewelry.
W would get stressed out when finances were tight, and made sure I knew it. But we fought rarely. She would just become stressed.
So AJ, I guess you are right. I masked the problems in our early marriage with the excitement of having kids, my new-found faith, and by serving at church. I wasn't paying attention to the problems I / we were facing.
One last interesting recent comment from my Mom. She said W and I did not bring out the best from each other. I see what my Mom is saying, as we had more 'playing' in our lives rather than making our lives work. Thanks for your stopping by again AJ.
