I felt like I was being honest by telling her how I felt but realize she does not feel the same way. I need to get better at detaching from her. Are there any techniques that can help me with detaching? Sandi can you direct me to a thread that you refer?
1. I have no doubt you were being honest in telling her your important values in life, the same way we all do this in our first attempts to win a WW back. the problem is, she's already broken the 'trust' connection with you, and anything you say to her right now will only be met with 'rejection' or 'contempt'. It goes back to the black/white thing in the beginner thread. you can explain to your wife 2+2 really is 4, but she's not interested in what you know/value right now.
2. Like sandi said, read that LBS thread. It's the one I waited last to read, because there was so much content and it was kind of spread around all over the place. But it's definitely worth the time. She knows her sh1t.
3. As far as 'detaching', I think the best thing to do is GAL, GAL, and get more of a life. The more you do, the more connections you build elsewhere that does not involve your W, the easier it becomes to not consume your energy thinking about your W.
For some basic suggestions: 1. You've heard this a hundred times by now, but there is a reason for it... FOCUS ON HEALING YOURSELF, not healing your MR. 2. Give space, not just to your W, but to yourself. 3. Step back, look at your situation objectively, not from inside the circle, or subjectively. Create measureable goals. 4. Figure out what's actually keeping you attached... are they mainly fear based reasons? aspirational reasons? familial reasons? 5. Don't fear the pain or unknown. The pain of detaching is real, but it's also temporary.
