Julie, thanks so much for chiming in. You are the one I've been wanting to hear from.

You wrote
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Well, I can think of several people here that have succeeded in finding balance and satisfaction in their relationships. This may not involve the LD spouse turning miraculously HD, and thus not “successful” as you would perhaps describe it.

You are the only success story I can think of, possibly one other. Please name some that I've missed...

You said
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In my situation, I changed first, at least in the sense that I was not willing to continue the way we had been.

and also
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As long as one is afraid that the spouse may choose to leave, it becomes impossible to break the gridlock.

These two things seem mutually exclusive and contradictory to me. First, you were not willing to continue the way you were and yet if you made any noises about leaving you feel the gridlock would never have been broken. I really want to understand how these two things fit together.

Also
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H made the choice to work with me on the sex issue.

This of course is the absolute key to everything IMHO: your partner made the choice to work with you. If that doesn't happen, this train goes nowhere.

Please... this is the answer I am dying to know: what IN YOUR OPINION made him decide to work with you, given that you felt (as you said above) that there could be no threat(perhaps too strong a word) of your leaving.

And another request (here comes a small rant, so brace yourself): If one more person says "there are no guarantees," I'm going to scream! I know-- we ALL know-- there are no guarantees. I'm not looking for guarantees. I'm the one who coined the phrase after my husband's death: "Sometimes you do everything right and they still die." No one expects miracles or guarantees... believe me, all we want is HOPE... a reason to continue trying. NO ONE, not even CeMar expects his totally ND wife to turn into a sex maniac. Please, no more chiding about expecting miraculous changes and guarantees... we're pretty battle-hardened and realistic here. Just looking for what has "worked" for someone else. As I said, just looking for hope and a reason to continue.

Have a wonderful trip! I will very much look forward to your replies when you return.

P.S. to GEL-- You cited honeypot because the EC in her marriage is improving, but they were ALREADY having sex three times a week! The were starting the climb from pretty high ground... ground most of us have never seen. Her sitch may be a "success story" but it's in a class by itself!